If it was a mistake, it was a beautiful one.

2009-05-07T02:53:00.001+08:00

shifted to everbrighter.blogspot.com :)

2009-01-03T03:02:00.005+08:00

there she laid, she laid
wondering if it was a dream or reality played
there she daze, she daze
tearing in the jaws of the pagans
she yearns to be saved

there she frozed, she
frozed
consumed by the strange fire that diseased the soul
there she wrestled, she wrestled
thirsting for comfort & found rest in thy breast

Beelzebub as he was condemn
is it thou fortune not
strangely sweet stench lingers
o'er the decay of thy broken flesh

Perverse satisfaction consumed thee
As the wounds exposed
Near the fiery lake are thee?
Shall prince's mercy lavish thee?

She foundth pleasure
But Damn the soul
Betrayed by passion
sold her soul

Won her over
Captive her sweet flesh

Soul was damn
fortune with her
goddess lebos was won o'er to her

slave to lebos
unlawfully slaved!

remember thy master
remember thy love

remember his breast
remember his caress

forget not his sweet whisper
forget not his kisseth

Away from lebos!
Away my love!

In the wilderness with coyote
is more fortunate than being her slaves
death ends the pain
but damn lebos cage thy soul

where is thy master
where is thy love?

Most unfortunate
unfortunate not

2008-12-29T02:04:00.002+08:00

I've never really appreciated his presence. In fact, Im guilty of the fact that sometimes I tell my buddy about how irritating and proud he is... until he told me he is thinking of leaving just now. All of the sudden, I feel a sense of loss. Cannot imagine that he may not be around anymore. Suddenly I feel so sorry for him. I just want to help him to stay.

2008-11-09T00:20:00.002+08:00

arghhh.. im so confused. feel like an idiot. what should i do?

To be or not to be, that is the question.

2008-10-09T02:30:00.003+08:00

hm.. have been feeling pretty emo lately.. was feeling very numb and hard all these while actually. was wondering about a lot of things. what's my purpose here? why am I doing all theses? why am I NOT doing all these? am I finding excuses or I really see something's not working? can I go against my belief or conscience? do i love myself? do I hate myself? do i know what I am doing? I'm confused. I was a zombie.

I tot I knew it all, or at least what I wanted, or least who I am. then boss asked me, in fact fired me lots of questions that for the first time in a loonngg time, I began to doubt myself GREATLY. As in.. well.. example, one occassion boss said: are u sure ur a leader type of person? I really doubt ur a D and I person. Think something wrong with the personality test.

well.. I did similar kind of personality test 2001 times before and the results were rather consistent.. but i, even i, am beginning to doubt. maybe i have changed. maybe i have lost it. dunno.

back to where i said i was numb, i was like robot running on autopilot. then suddenly, out of nowhere, someone i didnt expect, puncture a hole on that wall by asking me some innocent questions, n now.. I'm feeling cracks. I'm feeling vulnerable. like suddenly.. i starts to feel again.. feel emo again.........
great. now i can feel depress and lost sense of my direction huh. argh.
just one year ago i tot that was the lowest point. haha, guess what? it broke the resistant line. now im like the wall street market, crashing like nobody's business, free falling. at least wall street has rules now tt u cant naked sell in time like this, I still have no 'government' now. hais. where r u my goverment? I hope this is the bottom of the trend already. well, i pray so.

just in the mist of all the pressure from all sides, in my ultra emo mode, i happened to watch this forgotten great movie in my american civilization class( i wonder why they bothered to call it a civilzation when.... *censored by bush administration*) Akeelah and the Bee. Cried tons. is the movie that touching? or I was finding an excuse to let out? anyway, there's this quote that really capture my mind, my soul, my spirit and whatsoever... and here it is:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Marianne Williamson

amazing stuff huh? i'm not quite sure if i'll 'breakout' but i have decided that from now on, i'm gg to live, breathe, eat and think these words until it becomes part of me.

how bad can things be if it doesnt work yar? it already down the 10,000 line. who cares if it break the 9,000, 8,000 line.. even if it hits 0, it aint go negative.

ignore my figurative technical terms if u dont understand. nope, i have no gone bizarre. nope, not car accident that knock my head off tt i began to have weird habits of speaking in Greek. just some financial lessons that i have learn. trying to put into practice since i paid for much for it. making my money worth well =)

2008-10-07T02:55:00.000+08:00

I don't feel like giving a damn anymore.. can I? All these sucks man

2008-07-22T03:25:00.002+08:00

I cried on the bus today. I cried while walking home. I'm crying at 3.25am right now. I'm sooooo freaking angry. so upset. My dream is on the verge of bursting. We agreed on so many things. On the verge of getting the place. And just of cos of one stupid supper club, everyone's backing up. Nobody's thinking that it will work, but me. I dunno, I just know it will work, why cant you guys see it? Am I really too optimistic? Or just that I have the guts you don't have? Why bother telling me you want the alternative, want to be different in the first place? Why bother telling me your interested in my concept? Just because they are opening, just because they are a big name in the western world, does that mean you must give up without even a fight? Why did you said it's impossible without even thinking of what will make it possible? I freaking hate working with wimps. I've seen too many. ARgGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHHH
I will still try to make it happen whether you're in it or not.
now, without money, without support, without experience. What can I do?

What should I do.........

now, nobody should say the word impossible or cannot be done or any freaking bloody word that's along this line to me over the next few days, I can't promise that I won't screw you up.

I sooo feel like spilling colourful language all over the place....

#@$(#@!!)@&***@!#$#)(*&_)*&*(%

2008-07-20T00:18:00.004+08:00

ha.. u must be wondering why I'm update so quickly today.. read on and u will know why. :D

Was slacking at my stall just now with my sis, then auntie farra (the owner of my neighbour stall) called me over, " girl, come. you interested in this coming event..blah blah.."

Me: " Yea, sure. When is it? ... "

First of all, she's so nice. Despite of the poor business lately, she always look out for me. Like find business opportunities for me, help me think of ideas for food, help me source for items.. a very generous lady in short.

Anyway, after the mini biz talk, she continued, " Girl, what's your name.. I forgot."

Me: O, Ya Ting
Auntie: Yati? You Indonesian huh?
Me: No no.. I'm not, I'm Ya Ting. It's a Chinese name.
Auntie: O.. but sounds very Indonesian. What does your name mean?
Me: Hmm.. It's suppose to mean something like.. graceful, elegant..
Auntie: O.. that's a beautiful name.. yea.. indeed.. you're graceful in many ways. How true
Me: (HEEE) Thank you

Auntie: O, Ya Ting, that boy your boyfriend is it?
Me: No la, not my bf
Auntie: Not your bf? Then you have bf now?
Me: No, don't have
Auntie: *pause* Sure or not? How old are you?
Me: Hmm.. soon 22.
Auntie: 22. It's about time. And you so pretty, how come no bf?
Me: :D haa.. don't know lei. Haven't met nice guy.
Auntie: How come, so pretty should be able to get bf easily ma. You prefer locals or foreigners?
Me: Hmm.. dunno. Actually I have no preference. But if u have to ask, I think foreigners. Locals not really my type, like all too.. I dunno how to say, like.. down to earth, boring. Not my type
Auntie: Actually there's a lot of good local guys too (here's the major point).. Just that none cross our path that's all.. hahahah!
Me: hahaa.. that's true.

I think auntie farra is ultra optimistic. (ops, no offense guys.. hee)

Anyway, the conversation continued, she keeps praising me until my face almost turned red. More importantly, I got to know her better. She's not just any Malay auntie, I was surprised to find out that she travels a lot and is very well educated (in every sense), have great connections, and is a very wise and knowledgeable person. She also has an adopted daughter, other than her own children. It's amazing how our conversation can go from daily small talk like the latest 7pm Korean drama, to discussion of Singapore's history, to philosophical topics on love, sufferings, family values and to even some very personal advice. To be frank, I was really touched. It felt like a mother daughter conversation. Her genuineness and love can be felt tangibly. Haven't have such a heartening and simple chat in a long time. That's why I simply have to keep this in my heart..

Oo.. I saw that cute guy I just knew last week today.. Sooooo handsome! And macho(literally, has big arms and chest)! but sad that he's a little short :(
He's such a gentleman la (at least for first impression), he initiated to help me do stuff without me asking the other day. and he smile so charmingly.. ahh. havent met such a good looking person, yet with great character and still single(i think so. at least I hope so) in history of mankind!

o.. I saw him just now and kept looking at him. But when he saw me, I quickly turn away.. pretend to be bz.. how stupid....... haha. should have just get him over to talk. haiz.. wasted.. but auntie farra, who knows I will intro him to you one day. =D muahahaha!

2008-07-18T01:47:00.002+08:00

hey hey.. yea. have been really bz lately. with crazy exams, I'm offered a one time biz opportunity at fireworks festival and of course.. in the mist of setting up another business. Really not easy, I thought after setting up one, second one will be easier. But it's not exactly the case.. the same fear, the same certainty is still there. We have great business concept, great partners, talented people and associates.. but kept questioning ourselves, is this a good location? what if people don't come? what if people don't like our food? what if we need the cashflow? on and on and on.. in a way, it a good thing.. acknowledging that your limitations (in a healthy way) make you cant help to realise how human you are, how you need to depend on and believe in something greater than reality. Yes, without God, all these wont have happened, I won't have the courage to come so far. Now, I really need to overcome the fears and the stress. I think im showing a lot of signs of being over stressed:
1) not paying attention to what people says to me
2) very forgetful (sometimes I cant even tell which is left or right hand.. yea.. tt bad)
3) response indifferently to difficult situation
4) unknowingly throw little tamtrum

oo.. this is not very good man.. from tan ya ting to lao hu ting. tsk tsk..

so many things to handle.. so many things i dont understand. so many frictions. so many unsatisfaction. maybe all these are part of growing up. maybe this is the season where my character will be greatly tested and moulded. maybe this is the beginning of something beyond my wildest dreams.

just want to note this down. happen to look at my notebook the other day. glanced at the cover of it and saw what I wrote at the bottom at the beginning of this year:

this is the year of promotion.

mixed feelings. a bit of aching bcos of many regrets. missed many chances of promotion.. yet on the other hand, a larger part of me is feeling all excited. I don't know how to explain this but I know, many things are coming my way.. so excited.. at the same time concern that I'll get too distracted and lose my way..

O.. saw the houses on sentosa on TV, i forgot the name of the property.. clove something one(if you know pls tell me).. it's super beautiful!! my dream home, it's like a semi detached and you have a backyard slope to the beautiful waters, with no gates and you can park your yatch right there!! it's like a mini park by the sea.. omygoshhhh... it's sooo beautiful you know. the sight of the place, even in my mind's eye makes my heart skips a beat..OK, now my next target is to get that place in 5years. then I can go fishing all I want! =D

2008-06-29T23:32:00.003+08:00

one experience. one conversative. one frustration. one situation. over the last week, so many things happened. what somebody has told me. what i feel over certain encounter. what i realised. what I experienced. what had happened. and what had not happen. I felt I'm a totally different person from whom I was two weeks before. What I used to be so confidence, so full of dreams of, suddenly became a nightmare to me. All of a sudden I dread to be engaged in all these. I so darn want to leave. I so want to get alive. Whether I'm right or not is not the issue, it's what's that presented to me as reality tt matters. I realise all these frustrations are not neccessary and I dont deserve them. why should I bear them. why should I live up to others' expectation when they don't respect mine? why should I give in so many times and sacrifice so much and all I've got is these shit. There wasn't any big things that happened. It's the subtle things. In the little things, that I realise, maybe the meter snapped without me even realising. Maybe it's time to move on. To move away at least.

I still believe there's something greater than reality, in fact I always believe. But I guess it's time to define my own reality... until reality hits me.. til then..

2008-06-29T23:26:00.002+08:00

After listening to it again, then I realise why were u acting this way that night and what I was getting into.. shook me a little, i mean.. I was too taken away to even realise what was happening.. Anyway.. I didnt mean it. I mean, I like ur guts but.. let's not go further yea.

2008-06-29T00:19:00.002+08:00

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cuz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life...

-Rihanna. Cry

2008-06-27T11:29:00.002+08:00

In a recent interview with Warren Buffet, he was asked to advise how much should rich parents (and I mean very RICH) leave their inheritance for their children. Mr Buffet reply is as follows,

" You should leave enough money for your children to do everything, but not too much that they can do nothing."

2008-06-27T10:44:00.004+08:00

finally.. I'm free! .. for one day.. boo. yesterday last paper but next week new class starting again. Anyway, after the intense 6weeks, my classmates decided to go double O to party the night off. Didnt felt like gg initially cos i really know many of them in this new batch and I'm exhausted from those stupid papers..

yea, intended to leave at 1plus am. In the end, surprise surprise, we rock off til the bouncer chase us out! haah. Yea, didnt expect my friends to be so fun, cos some were kuai kuai look. Like wise, my projectmates were shocked to find me pretty good at partying. yea, it was totally wild. WILD. dunno what else to say. haha. O.. the shots and jugs were dirt cheap. Jace freak us out, she's so girly when she's drunk, unlike usual! O.. I was good, didnt get drunk. Yea, cos i hate the puking n dizzy feeling. Haha.

The US students werent as fun as I thought they would be, I mean, I tot they're party animals. And they end up sitting ard quite a bit. yea, except one or two. Anyway, they're gg back soon. All the best people!

yea, had fun but dunno y very quickly i got bored. wanted to just go home quickly but my stingy friends(ok, not exactly, it's my friends' friends) want to make up 4people to cab back and all want to be first to be back.. end up i got to wait for one toturous hr before I can go home. argh, morons. So niao why come out to party, super piss off.

thks goodness for good big bros like clemence n sw. they really make sure we reach home safely. Yea, maybe can get pics from the guys to upload.

2008-06-21T01:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, it's only when darkness seems unbearable that one would yearn for a glimpse of light.

2008-06-12T02:58:00.001+08:00

What Aurore Tan Ya Ting Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

2008-06-06T01:42:00.003+08:00

haaha.. so sorry that I go MIA for so long. been really bz with business and school lately. the 12days event at expo almost killed me. Felt totally drain after the event. And now I understand why some people say that boss are often work harder and longer hours than the workers. In a sense, I'm glad that there's a three weeks break til beginning of July cos I really need this rest. BUT... school projects have to come into the picture to torture me. To make things even more exciting, I don't have very friendly group members. As in, don't get me wrong, they are all nice pple.. but they are kind of agressive at work. To be frank, it's the first time I feel scared and threathened that I dare not be sloppy with work AT ALL.

Watched a show on teenagers issue. about this girl cutting herself to suppress the greater pain that is in her heart. Almost cried watching this simple show. Really feel for her. And suddenly, not something I didnt know before, I realise that many singapore teenagers are going thru such problems quietly. When I was in college, I already have three classmates with depression problem. It reminded me why I once thought of becoming a social worker. It rekindle the desire once again. Maybe. Who knows. One day, I will response to that desire.

On the lighter side, I'm so happy that people like my pasta! haha.. There's this malay girl (she's a staff)who eat my pasta almost everyday during robinson's sale. That already comforted me quite a bit. Cos she didnt choose to eat the inexpensive malay food next door and eat my relatively expensive pasta (eh. my pasta only 3.50 lo, dunno why some pple still think ex). And on the last day, she came and asked my mum,

"Auntie, where you open your stall one, can gimme the address, your pasta very nice, I want to come eat again."

You have no idea how happy I was when I heard that. I mean, even though I wasnt the one literally cooking it ( I came out with the recipe! :D ), my aunt was the chef most of the time, I'm just glad to see that we made a smile on someone's face. I dunno, I mean, I'm just contented that someone's happy bcos they ate our food. You know what I mean? Maybe that's what they called passion. That inspired me even more to improve my food. O, some people like my mum's stir fried sphaghetti too and came back for more, my mum also secretly laugh lo. Too bad it wasnt popular enough for us to continue selling it, maybe it's too spicy for some.

And thank you girl, though I don't know your name, I'll rmb your face. You certainly encourage me to take one more step towards buying my own shop. Yea, I feel sad to see her walk away disappointed upon hearing we have only one small stall at expo. But it's ok, I believe in 6months time (my goal), business will be well enough for me to expand and get a proper shop. I'm already looking around for good location. Have two places in mind, hope things will work out.

Btw, I'm thinking of adding a new item, Carbonara, what do you guys think? Is expo suitable to have more of such food? Or teriyaki chicken spaghetti?

2008-05-15T02:09:00.004+08:00

Been many ups and downs lately. Did something very wrong today. Man.. when will I change. Then I read someone's blog. U haven nv change too. Such pure and passionate heart. U nv fail to touch me with any words u say even in ur weaknesses. I really miss you. Missed ur guidance and care. Missed ur scoldings too... haha... My heart is still aching badly. I still feel like a broken child being driven out of my home. Love and hate.... I want to come home, but think it's too late..... Why... Why?? I really really wanted to know why.

.... Anyway, I'm inspired to stand strong again. I will move on. Not by my own strength. No Lord, I dont want that to happen. I want U o Lord to guide me. U increase and I decrease. Sorry that I dissapointed u again... But please nv leave me, stay near me, guide me, teach me and help me through this...........

2008-05-09T00:21:00.006+08:00

Been pretty emo the last few days. Not necessary in a bad way. I've been thinking of all the good old times. And yea, some struggles and problems lately. tough. But I'm glad pastor shared the message last Sunday. Touch me deeply. I heard of that message before but this time it is a revelation. As pastor was preaching, I start seeing visions and dreams coming alive once again. Tears uncontrollably flow down my cheeks. China. Yes. China. I will remember China.

Anyway, this season has been an interesting one. I believe God is teaching me a lot on relationships, especially first with God. There's this hunger for the Lord like nv before, it's.. it's.. it's just different. Different from the past. It's a new season. New level of trust. I love God, but not necessary the way He teaches me things. haha.

Anyway, yea. Series of things happened over the last few weeks. Had a primary school gathering last week. Unbelievable isn't it? 16people turned up. I was really happy to meet these old friends again. Qiaolin and Jiayi have nv change. Still the same. Always laughing. And I can never forget Qiaolin's laughter. Like anytime can collapse from asthma attack. Muahaha. It was truly an enjoyable time of catching up. I regretted having to leave earlier. Yea, it was great. It didn't turn out to be like what the TV drama always show, old friends meeting up, just trying to compete status, income, glory. In fact, I just simply enjoy sitting among them, listening to their chit chats. It's heartening to see how all of us have grown up and have move on with life. And it's interesting how I still can recognise everybody. I mean, we all still look the same. The faces are like photocopied, enlarged from primary school. HAa. Most importantly, I'm really glad that innocence, that genuine concern can be felt for one another. Really. I really appreciated that. In this dog eat dog world, it's hard to find true friends anymore. You know, its not like close close friends, but friends who just know and accept you for who you are. Not that I'm bias, but I really think 6F people are really wonderful. We are not perfect or ultra smart. But. I can imagine how a gathering will be like for 6A people. Cos I still see some of them now and then. I can imagine the stench of snobbishness in the air.

Back to the topic, relationship. Yea, been thinking a lot for my family lately. Thinking what I can do for my parents especially. They are hard working people, but I hate to see them toiling day and night. Really want to let them enjoy a comfortable life soon. I hope I can earn enough money in one year's time, that I can easily afford an Asia tour for my parents. Poor dad has nv been outside of Singapore before except for Johor Baru and Genting. And its like more than ten years ago. I want them to be happy. Lord, help me.

And yes, I thought of my previous cell. Frankly, I really miss them all. From Evelyn's time, to Veron's Time, to N119. You have no idea how much I miss everyone. I know I didnt do a good farewell when I left. Really sorry about it. Because I didnt know how to react. Leaving the previous cell to victor's zone was a great impact to me. I somewhat still cannot move on from it. Im too use to the way we use to be. 5yrs. FIVE YEARS. And it was an incredible life changing five years. How can I just be moved out and expected to be as usual. But then again, the move made me realise that there's a bigger world out there. And it was then that I knew that I have to move again. Many didnt know but it took me one year to have the courage to make this choice. I knew I will face a lot of obstacles and misunderstanding. But I didnt it anyway.

I'm so proud of enling. I rmb how it was a bold step for her to make this choice to join us. In fact, I thought it was a miracle when she told me she wanna come with me, considering the 'squareness'... ops. haaha. No la, but I rmb how she bomb and haunt me with questions, in the canteen, on the tracks and even in toilets. I'm really blessed to see how she has grew over the years. And I wondered how she tolerate my stupidity and religiousity when I stop her from gg to Charmaine's service. hope u have forgiven me :)

Oyes, clement. I rmb how I used to find him annoying sometimes (I say USED TO, I love u bro) because of his boylishness. But he always surprises me with some spontaneous mature and wise talk that I nv expect from him! Btw clement, u have a great voice, and is great with music, just need polishing, keep it up. And yea, don't ever belittle urself, u have great potential ;)

Elly is one person I always respect and get inspired by. No matter what she goes through, she is still the same old faithful Elly. And she's like a lamb, always innocent, of no bad intentions. Even she has, she will tell u. ahah! That's what I really like about her. A very genuine friend.

Alex. I never like or understand his jokes. But really, he is such a generous person. It's hard to find such people nowadays. I always see him as a big brother who protects us. He may not see it but I always see him as someone who take care of us. I rmb how he was there to resolve issues with troublesome people or situation. Many times I was really awed by his patience to deal with these issues. I will always rmb what he told me at chomp chomp, no matter how difficult things may get, he will never give up, he will never let go.

And yea, I didnt forget Huizhen, Im really blessed to know her. I knew you look up to me and expected a lot from me, but sorry that I let you down. You are really such a faithful friend. I feel encourage whenever I think of all the surprises and initiative u took. I always love to see you do things because u do it with passion and with an attentive heart. But please watch ur temper yar. My temper is weird enough. Haa.

ahh.. there's so many people on my mind.. esther, victor, leonard, emil, junjie..etc. so many. I miss everybody. But I was too comfortable. All I wanted was just to move out of my comfort zone. I hope I didnt move everyone out of my life. Hope to meet everyone soon.

2008-05-09T00:00:00.003+08:00

Was reading en's blog a few days ago. Two particular statements struck me:

1) If you don't know what to say to someone, it's because you don't know the person.
2) If you want to do something well, you got to FOCUS on getting it right.

BTW, enling ur such a ku ku. Just let me copy n paste la. what squash ur tomato. ha ha.

I think I really don't know you. I don't know what to say anymore. And u DEFINITELY dunno me. And yes, the second point speaks for me.

I'm piss off not because I'm a perfectionist but simply because I believe in excellence. I believe in being passionate. If you insist that I'm so or simply picky. FINE. I really hate double mindedness.

I do this because I care for my family.
I do this because I care for my friends.
I do this because I care for the people around me.
Hell. You didn't even ask or care why I wanted to do this in the first place.
Pride and confidence is a thin line of difference. And you're definitely not in the latter category.

2008-05-08T21:09:00.001+08:00

I'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground
I'm hearin' what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down
But wait
You tell me that you're sorry didn't think I'd turn around and say:
That it's too late to apologizeIt's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, it's nothing new
Yeah, yea
I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry lord, the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid
Its too late to apologize
Its too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too lateI'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet ooooooooooooooff the ground

It's almost too late bastard. dont test my patience.

2008-05-08T21:08:00.000+08:00

Psalm 56:3 says, What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. When you trust God and take little steps of faith, even when you're afraid, you can conquer intimidation.

This is absolutely what I need now. Mixed feelings.

2008-04-22T03:52:00.003+08:00

http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=rpmjdtaNWrqMRVe-GP-AAADD-8f7e&u=b6dd2d6639ef

http://www.personaldna.com">Encouraging Inventor

Ha ha.. other personality test. Quite true. But I don't quite agree with the part when it says I'm more masculine (O well.. Maybe.. ) :/ N hey, I'm more spontaneous than that.

2008-04-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

Even though I cannot understand almost anything she said until Pastor summarised it, I totally enjoy just watching her preach, I totally enjoyed myself in her presence. Bcos Pastor Kim carries the presence of God. She already carries such great presence of God, cant imagine what it will be like when she and her husband come visit us one day. Cant wait for that day to arrive. She knows the Holy Spirit. Can tell by just looking at her. U can feel it. How precious. By the end of the service, I'm almost kneeling and crying out for more presence of God.

Have heard so many people talk about Holy Spirit, some are friends and even CGLs. But sometimes, the more I hear them talk, the more frustrated and disgusted I feel.
"O.. God's presence is in this place.., Holy Spirit is here right now.."

shut up.

They don't even speak out of faith but religious routine. And please, people can tell if God is with them.

Went for a make up cell recently, the person talks a lot about prayer and Holy Spirit. It was ok initially but after awhile, u can feel that it became religious. The leader rebuked and criticised people for not praying, stretched the whole 3hrs just emphasizing the consequences of not praying.
Didn't the bible says Words in excess is sin?

That person was still proud that the meeting ended so late. The last time I check, the Jesus in the bible speaks simple and powerful words. He hardly has to keep repeating Himself. But Satan always repeat the exact words and ways to perform the same purpose: to destroy mankind and de-glorify God. Jesus never focus on the adverse consequences, He always gives hope, and He demonstrates by example in power and in truth.

I totally hated it when people talk so much about God and Holy Spirit when they don't know Him, or even worse, didn't even realise that God has left the meeting. And I didn't pretend that I enjoyed the meeting. I was so upset that I left the place quickly after everything ended. Please don't pretend that u know the Holy Spirit when u don't ok? I have learnt over the years that I'm not here to please man but really God.

If u think I'm nasty, too bad. I can't pretend. Really, I will not compromise my standards to such low level. It's either God or people. I've compromised to many times in the past, I'm not going to allow others incompetency and flakiness to block my path. Like Abraham, I got to let go of Lot.

O... there's another issue that frustrated me too. But cant talk much about it cos if I mention it, everybody will know what I'm talking about. Anyway, Albert Einstein said it right, to keep repeating the same actions and expecting different results is insanity. I'm still considering should I just smoke through and 'wayang' with the insanes.

Ok.. I think I drifted too far away.. I really love Pastor Kim, hope she will come back again. If I have the money, I will go to their bible school one day. And yes, I really long for more of the Holy Spirit now. Still remember all the miracles He has done in my life. I desire to have such intimacy like what we used to have. Nope, I mean I wanted much more.

After so much hard work and hiccups, finally our business is picking up. So happy, not just about the profit but the fact the business is growing. So happy to see regular customers coming back and enjoying our pasta. There's this lady who bought two plates of spaghetti last week and then come back for two more take aways. Yesterday, she was back again for 3plates of spaghetti. It was over my expectation, business was so good that we sold out two times. Even CY was shocked when I told him. There's also a particular customer who always wipe out all our spring rolls. And she told me the prawn balls were terrible. I totally agree with her and appreciated her comments. Without truthful comments like that, we cant never improve. Yea, and have a hard time with the supplier, tried to cheat our money. Think that we are noobs and gave us all the nonsense. Thank God I studied business law, know how to deal with him. And thank God that I manage to find a much better supplier so quickly. Their food is much better even though it's a little more expensive.

It is so interesting watching the same people coming back every week, just to buy nacho fries, spring rolls or spaghetti. And it's more interesting to watch how the business grow and the satisfied faces of the customers. It is like watching your own baby growing up. Of cos, it's not perfect, some of the foods we are still trying to improve. And now I'm working on how to improve the taste of the spaghetti even better. Hopefully, it can be so good that I can open a restaurant selling just it one day.

It has been really tiring. Can u imagine, a late night person like me laid almost dead on my bed last night before midnight? And I slept all the way thru 12pm today. Not for the phone call by cy regarding the nasty supplier at 12plus, I bet I'll still be sleeping. Anyway, I fall back into my bed at 4plus pm again and sleep thru till almost 8pm. Ha ha.. imagine the work I have been doing. But its all worth it. :)

O.. and special thanks to people who have came to support, especially all my cg members, Elly, Ryan, Dom, Clement, BingXun etc. There's too many people to thank but really these few people made my day. I mean, we didn't really advertise or go around telling cos we thought it isn't really nice, some people may even misunderstand(which did happen). I was really happy about our biz and wanted to tell many people really , just like u have a new baby yar? But o well, I realise I cant do just that and have to suppress my joy. So sorry if u feel offended or think that I didn't want to inform any of u if u r reading this now. The truth is I almost wanted to tell the whole world. But like wat I said, something happened that convinced me that maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. And yea, it was really nice of Clement to come back to buy our food again even when his first attempt(our first day) was not such a good experience. Btw, I didn't even inform him about our stall. It was really nice of him to do that. This is who u call a friend.

And yea, I can forsee many great things to come, I can feel it in my spirit. So can I forsee the pressures ahead.. these two weeks I'm having exams. And my first paper is in two days time.. And I havent even touch my law notes! God be with me, and Lord please see me through.

2008-04-17T01:05:00.009+08:00

It was just a drive. The journey from my home to vivocity changed my life. Not like literally. But the talk with my aunt humbled me. I thought I knew it all. In a way, she maybe a great influence in my life without me even knowing. Loud, cheerful, daring, wise, smart, gorgeous, have many kids, live in a big house, has a great husband who may not be very understanding but still a wonderful man.

I thought I knew it all. From the surface, in a sense, from what I see, I didn't really wanted the kind of life they have. It wasn't the ultimate best that I'm longing for. This usually loud, hilarious, or even crazy aunt start talking serious issues with me. We even get into the topic of the wisdom of desperate housewife. It was a heart to heart talk. Or rather, I was listening. And was really touched. Tried very hard to control my tears.

She was worried the conversation we had is too mature for me, that I will start thinking like an old person. She doesn't has to worry. I'm already abnormally 'mature' in the way I think. I'm not boasting or anything. Or rather, it's a confession. Sometimes, it's good to be more farsighted and wise. Other times, ignorance is bliss. I feel good when I know of things others don't understand. But it's miserable when there's no one to share with, not even mentioning to even understand what you're talking about. It makes you feel lonely sometimes, because other just don't understand why you have to do things certain way. Sometimes, by the time you understand, it's too late. So I either got to make a stand or compromise. And I hate to compromise, really. Unfortunately, there are too many compromisers around, make me really tired. I don't them, at least some of them. Because some of them don't even know that they are compromising. Or they are too blinded by current situation. I really don't blame them, I been through it myself. But some are stuck there forever. To put it in uglier words, MOST people are stuck for almost forever. How sad. Really sad.

I really want to help others see the bigger picture, not that I'm any better or what. I'm learning too. But I guess I'm slightly ahead to be able to help a little but it's so hard. When you confront people with their issues, weaknesses, or even fears, u can be sure to get all sort of reactions. Most commonly, u will get frustration and be ridiculed.

I hate it when people just throw their temper at you, not for something u have even done wrong(it's not even right in the first place) but bcos of their frustration at themselves and stuff like that. It's bloody unfortunate to meet people like that. And I just met one not too long ago. And i didn't expect (maybe I did) this person to be so emotionally weak. I haven't been so angry in a long time and congratulation, you did it. Disappointed, I wonder what your future will be like. I really wonder.

Anyway, back to my aunt. Really, I totally changed the way I look at her after the talk. I used to respect her. But now, I respect her even more. She told me of the little wisdom she sees in everyday life. She taught me a lot about business and ethics. She told me a side of her husband and I didn't know(the good side of cos). Just a random tot, I thought it's really sweet when her husband will try to meet her out for lunch or even a quick bite just to see her, despite of his busy schedule. He's one of the elite property agent and travel on regular basis worldwide to give talks and seminar. I'm really touch and impress by he's initiative to make the marriage work. I always thought he is a prideful person who hardly talk to us. But I always respect a eager learning man who is open minded and set his priorities right.

I cant wait to go out with her soon. (actually, I go out with her almost everyday now.. ha ha). Sometimes u just got to be urgent and seize every moment to be with people like that. It's not always easy to find such wise people to talk to you. Never take anyone around u for granted, u never know who will be the next say something that will change your life... if you are willing to receive it.

I love wisdom. Because wisdom gives u a glimpse of the future. A glimpse of you're potential. Thank God for hearing my prayers. Thank God for putting wise people around me. Thank God for opening my eyes and ears to wisdom. Lord, you say in your word those who lack wisdom shall ask from you. Lord, I'm not satisfied, I want to grow more in your wisdom every single day.

2008-04-11T00:06:00.002+08:00

Somebody was advising me on business. I was telling her a bit of the rough patches and frustration I went through. She told me that business partnership is like a marriage. You must be understanding, must put in a lot of commitment, dedication and effort to make to work. And never do anything out of a moment of anger. The thought of it was a little scary. Marriage. I felt a little guilty and frighten after hearing what she said as I almost did the unspeakable, I almost pronounced the 'D' word to our business venture. Fortunately, my partner did the right thing while I spoke the wrong words. In fact, I'm pretty impressed by my partner's radical change after the intense conversation we had on Sunday. I didn't dare to ask why the sudden change though. But I cant forget the expression on your face that day, which touches me and freaks me out a little at the same time. Anyway, I knew and I'm glad I chose the right partner.

2008-04-05T03:53:00.002+08:00

Today marks another important phrase in my life. I don't know how others see it, but to me, this small stepping stone is a very important one. It may kill the next Goliath. I know this is a God given purpose to me and no one's going to stop me.

God is with me, whom shall I be afraid?

Even if everyone didn't believe in me. Even when others give up. Lord, help me never ever give up my destiny in you.

2008-04-01T03:46:00.003+08:00

Watched an old movie on Saturday night. Was feeling a little lazy, didn't wanted to move so I watched the trashy show. It turned out to be not as trashy as I thought it would be (Shall not mention the title as it's quite vulgar). In fact, it was quite an inspiring old show. I even teared. Maybe cos of the dramatic ending, maybe it's a revelation. Anyhow, I felt great after watching.

quotes from the movie:
It may be a dead end in front but hope is just round the corner.
New born babies are the happiest being around because they are born pure without any evil intend.
Your fate is not controlled by events, human or 'luck', it's in your own hands.

My personal revelation:
Love is understanding.
Indeed, one encounter can change a person's entire destiny.
Everyone has a purpose and destiny within them that's larger than reality.

2008-03-29T01:39:00.004+08:00

Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test

O My Gosh... haha! This is really cool. Guess what, I'm considered a genius according to this IQ test I've taken, that is 0.13% of the population. And I'm only slightly below Abert Einstein! Haha..What's even more amusing is that under the greatest genius list, Aurore Dupin (George Sand), whom is one of the people I most admired, is in it! And by the way, my christian name is Aurore too(yea, obviously I named myself after my idol)! And guess what? She scored 150 too! Haha! Indeed, great minds think alike.

2008-03-26T01:55:00.001+08:00

Curiosity is normal

Obsession is tumor

2008-03-24T22:53:00.003+08:00

I dunno whether to laugh or get angry. It's just another human weakness and you bloody exaggerate things and irritate me with your ignorance. How would I know better of what to do? It's always this way. You only pester me when u needed me. Otherwise, I'm only one of those who watch on the sideline. Not that I didn't want to care, but I have no idea what to do and am too tired to be bothered anyway. So back off.

2008-03-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

Watched Leap Years few weeks back. I kind of find the ideas in the story inspiring and thought provoking. Yes, I really love the philosophy behind it, but i don't really like the plot. A bit over fairy tales and cliche. And the ending is too predictable. And worst of all... the man became soooo ugly when he grew old!! so sad...

Anyhow, even though I don't exactly like the plot, I can certainly identify with the character played by Wong Liling. As in, my attitude towards, life, love, relationship and faith, is similar to that portrayed by her character. The noble, almost ridiculous but genuine faith. That people might mock but you know it's real. That I have a purpose larger than reality. That I am mend to do much greater things than this. That there's just that someone out there who's mend for me, that someone whom I know that if I were to ever meet him, I will know that I know that he's the one. There's no need for the random seek and trial. But the eager wait and look out.

I'm not any sort of guru. But I've began to see greater light in things. I use to have a naive belief that first guy I meet, he will be the last too. And then, of cos things didn't work out and I concluded(or rather I tried to deceived myself)that such happy endings are only fairy tales far far away. That it's almost impossible to find lasting relationship anymore. That there is a need for the trial and error.That there's a need for many heart breaks before you may even find one.

But somehow, the more I tell myself that, the more I realise I'm deceiving myself. Every time when I thought of just giving in, and just get into a relationship casually. Something in my heart will make me feel sick about it. Telling me that, nah, come on, you know better than this. I cant betray my heart. I cant make use of other's trust. It's tempting. But I just cant do it.

Somehow, over that last five years, I realise that it was just a journey of trial. Frankly, I am amazed that I'm still holding on to a form of my so called naive believe. I realise that.. it's not that naive after all. I really do believe in what I believe in. The next one will be the last one.

I didn't regret knowing you though, you made me realised a side of me I didnt know. I only regretted that I didnt know better, as much as you didnt.

Why am I talking about this? Because one of my goals is to get married by 23! And time is running out! muaHahhahaa!!!
Where are you?? :(

2008-03-13T04:15:00.000+08:00

Life is a humbling experience. You're born into this the world with nothing and in the same way you leave this place with nothing.

Remember: Nobody is better than you. Nobody is greater than you. Nobody but God.

2008-02-28T00:33:00.000+08:00

It feels so weird to be so honest. Maybe it's becos it has been a long while since I have poured out my heart. Well I wasn't saying out everything that I have kept in my heart, but I was honest. Honest to myself for once. Felt quite good but isnt exactly comfortable. Didnt expect to have talk so much with you but well.. It seems that u're not exactly whom I thought to be. Which maybe good. I dunno. At least now I know that there's one more person feeling the same way as I do. One more person into this crowd.

2008-02-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

Am in super bad mood.. nothing seems to be gg the right way. I am sooooo ANGRY.. sooooo UPSET... WHHHYYY??? whhhhyyyyyyy...
Im not asking for a perfect life, Im just asking for somethings to be right for once. ONCE. Dunno wat to say anymore.
Sometimes, the things or people that give you the greatest hope, are the very same things or people who hurt and disappoint you the most.
I miss many once good things.

ok, problems aside, FOCUS. Having been researching and sourcing for my potential business venture. Found suppliers, found rental location, have all the plans set and the only thing lacking is........ tada>>>>> MONEY<<<< xian... hope my aunt will be persuaded by my brilliant plans tt she will invest in me.

To our first small step, me and my sis will be setting up two stalls at a poly flea market at some place near aljunied mrt on the 19 April, Saturday. Do come and support k, cos u will be witnessing the birth of a legendary entrepreneur.. muahHAHAAA!!!!

In the end, we will see: the path we travel is the treasure we seek.
-Laura Teresa Marquez

Be realistic: Plan for a miracle
-Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Rajneesh rocks my socks!

2008-02-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

have been very busy and lazy to blog.. have 3 freaking test on last friday, thk God it's over now.

Have heard of a really scary incident from my uncle the other day. It happened to his friend. There was a time ( rather recently I believe) His friend and family went to Carrefour, not sure Singapore or Malaysia one, while they were walking through the crowd, their daughter went missing. So they looked for security and make a report. However, they still wouldnt find the kid after an hour, the management decided to shut all the gates of the mall so that nobody can leave premises. To their horror, they found their five years old girl in the toilet. Naked, with half of the head shaved. And the cultprit couldnt be found. How horrifying. Can you imagine what would if they were two steps late? Even though I believe it had likely happened in Malaysia.. u never know man. Many people have told me that Singapore is not as safe as it used to be.. or has there even be safer before? Im not sure. I think that no matter where you are, there will be weird and even dangerous people. You didnt know doesnt mean that they didnt exist.

Today's Singapore is not as safe or not, I dont know, but I do feel that Singaporeans have become more manupliative,less compassionated and less 'humane'. It's always about me, myself and me. As long as I enjoyed it, who cares. Who cares of the consequence. Who cares if others are hurt. Who cares. I care. I care about the future of this nation. I am afraid of what we will become. The thought of meeting people in mask all around you all the time is scary. The thought that everyone you see ard isnt what you are really seeing is frightening. The thought that one day you will be one of them, that you do not even know who you are anymore is extremely frightening. The truth is, I'm scared. I hope that I will never become one of those. Never.

Btw, Emily.. you're such a crap. I didnt even notice that statement that was in the chart. Haha. But you can be sure that I'm not a flirt;) but... why are u even concern? hmm..? hahaha...

When I was younger, not that Im much older now but in my teenager years, I really enjoy hanging out with guys more than girls. Becos I hate gossips and cliques. These are the things guys cant be bother with, which is good. And guys tend to be more easy going, and they take care of their girl friends when hanging out with them. But nowadays, frankly, I dread it when my guy friends ask me out. Im beginning to feel really bored with them.. guys are so boring.. where they hang out and what they do are sooo predictable, the main thing is its not enjoyable. They tend to care about their own interest and neglect the people ard them, esp. the girls around them. I hate to say this but I enjoy gg out with girls more now. I suspect I may not be able to get attach anytime soon. I suspect I might even turn lesbian...... Haha, kidding! It's not possible.
The point is this, guys, wake up before you miss it all. I mean, you dont have to be nice only to ur lover, or someone you like. I mean, be normal! You dont always have to be nice only when u have an agenda. Some guys have weird mind. They think that being nice to a girl means the girl will think he likes her. Or do they think they think they can only be nice to girls they like? O well.. Anyway, I think tt's immature. They live in a well. And I have known many well citizens around me. SAD.. But thankfully I still have a couple of normal guys around me. They are the few who knows how to be nice to people just because they appreciate their friendship.

2008-01-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

This is soooo bloody cool!!! I would say.. 92% accuracy (8% error for saying that I don't go for looks) . Kinda freak me out. You shld try this test man.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Here's the webby!

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T00:16:00.001+08:00

It didn't turn out to be quite as happy it should be.. have this feeling that I lost it all.. I dunno.. this year feels like quite a different year.. it's harder to go through even for the very first day.. And well, strangely, at least to me, this year I didn't set any goals at all.. to be more accurate, i totally forgot about the need to do so. What am I thinking? I dun really understand or noe what i want right now.. so confuse. why is there a need for this struggle? why shld i even stay in this struggle for so long? i want to make things right. i just want to be a decently normal and happy person. not like happy happy but u noe, happy. Just happy.
I hate to feel so stuck. And i dun understand why am i so stuck in this mess, a frustrating vicious cycle. Not tt i didn't noe what causes it. not that i didn't know how to get out of it actually.. but.. do i really have to? is there no other way??
This is so difficult... getting unbearable. it's not that I didn't want to get over and done with.. but.. it's so hard to trust pple again after so many betrayals.
What's wrong with me??
We either change by a decision or by a crisis.. Am i just waiting for another crisis..?

I feel so foreign to myself.

2007-12-22T00:08:00.000+08:00

What lies behind us
And what lies before us
Are tiny matters
Compared to what lies within us

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

2007-12-17T00:41:00.000+08:00

To think that I care so much for them, they act like bloody B*ST*RDS. I wanted to love you, why must u force me to hate u?? Is it worth it for me to reduce myself to a fool? I really dunno.. I hope this payoff. I really do

Still Missing Him

2007-12-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

Why did these tears take so long to roll down my cheek..
It's years too late, way too late.
Utterly hate the insensitive of my nerves.
Dreamt of him last night that he came by my side even when I was pushing him away.
He seems like another part of me I didnt know, he seems to know my heart.
He came by my side and hugged me gently.
A kick of joy, a pinch of sadness, a little comfort, a great deal of pain.
Because I was delighted that I finally realised how much I have loved him.
Because I realised that it is a hateful mistake far too late to redeem.
I saw myself crying in his arm, and I felt his heart ache and heard his crying in his chest.
I wish that the moment will pause forever. It felt so real, so real that I'm still have not waken to reality. No, I don't want to wake up. How foolish of me. Suddenly I miss him so much. But it's far too late to redeem.
The first time in so many years, I shed the first tear for him.
Maybe because my heart was hard. Maybe because I was too selfish to appreciate. Maybe we are just not mend for each other. But I regret for not leaving this a beautiful memory for you. I regret for not leaving one left sweet kiss. I regret that this is only a dream. I regret missing your sweet whisperings. I regret missing you.
Do you miss me too? Hope so and hope not. Because Im still yearning for you but I dont want you to be in the same pain of missing somebody you can never get back.
I hoped that you have forgiven me, I hope that you no longer hate me.
I wish that I could turn back time. I wish to be adored by you one last time.
Why didnt you believe me that it is you and only because it's you that I fall in love?
Why did you think that I only wanted to hurt you?
Given one more chance it will still be you and never him.
Given one more chance it will still be you and not your wealth or the pals.
Even if it was a mistake loving you, it was, it is, and it will still be a beautiful mistake.
Given one more chance, I will still choose you.
Even if it will not work out, I will never regret loving you.
I only regretted that I have never told you how much I have loved you.
At least you are the purest of all that I've met.
I miss your pure gazing I miss your sweet voice.
I miss your chidlish whinning during phone calls.
Sadly we didnt have a good ending.
An embarassing ending in fact.
Still I want you to know that
I did love you
very much
It wasnt like what you were told.
Love you.

2007-11-20T02:47:00.000+08:00

It hurts to see his weathered face. When will this be over?

2007-11-16T00:50:00.000+08:00

So is this all?
There must be something more. Much more, than this.
I'm not satisfied.

2007-11-05T02:47:00.000+08:00

Cut me some slag.. I need to breathe. I think I need to climb higher, I need some fresh air. Life got to be more than this.

I dunno y when they were teasing me, I wasn't embarrass. As in, I was actually accepting it! Gosh.. What's wrong with me.. n the situation kind of rekindle some memories.. reminded me of somebody. The stranger thing is, I know.. rather, i feel this wont go too far. I drink coffee once in awhile but, I'm not exactly a fan of coffee. I want something more exotic, more expensive, something tastier, richer.. something thicker, more aesthetic.. something more attractive.. more addictive. Even the double whip cinnamon powered caramel ice latte wont work. I want something more. Much more.

Crap.. It's already 3.06am and I'm still not sleeping.. got to change this bad habit.. gotta change!

2007-11-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

I'm hungry,....therefore I eat.
I'm tired, ....therefore I sleep.
I'm happy, ....therefore I smile.
I'm hurt, .....therefore I cried.
I fell, .......therefore I stand up again.
I'm numb, .....therefore I learn to love.
I was deluded, therefore I wised up.
I need, .......therefore I want.
I'm bored, ....therefore I blog.

2007-10-26T01:07:00.000+08:00

www.hsx.com this is a super cool virtual trading site. The technical terms used are real but you trade with Hollywood dollars! ha ha! I am having so much fun trading, do take a look. And if you decided that it's too fun that you sign up for an account too, don't forget to state that I introduced you there ;) (so that I can earn H$, haha).

Hmm.. feel like a loser today. Planned to view 7lectures and do some work today and in the end, I hogged my laptop and barely finish a lecture. :(
I didn't even touch my guitar today.. :((
And performances on Sunday. :'(((

BUT I'm happy that Friday is here already~ :)
And I'm gg CG :))
Cant wait to see them :)))
And Vinay says he's gg to gimme a book on stocks buying in Singapore :D
I'm so blessed!(After all the pain I go through to help him in his work..)
I'm a happy girl~ yeah! :oD

2007-10-25T01:47:00.000+08:00

Someone said that our weaknesses and vulnerabilities help us to relate to one another. I beg to defer. Sometimes, when we reveal our weaknesses, we see the unwanted expression from the hearing end.

The more they seems to 'know' about you, the more you realise they don't understand, the more their ugly hypocrisy surface, and the more annoyed you are with them. Ain't that true? I cant understand why some people likes to put up a 'holy' look all the time when most of the time their actions betray them. Sometimes the 'holiest' people are the devils from the pit of hell and the 'worldly' people are saints in disguise. Learn to discern. This is not a black and white world. There are grey areas.

My point is, not many people are genuinely concern with your failures and sorrows. Not many people are real in this world.

I rather be hated for who I am, than be loved for who I am not.

I'm poor at hiding my feelings, which can be both my strength and weakness. And I'm feeling trashy now. I cant relate with myself for my weaknesses. I more I realise my weaknesses, the more distant I feel I'm away from myself, the more i hate myself sometimes. Why cant I just overcome? I am so frustrated. Heal me or kill me Lord.

I need a new mind and a new heart.

2007-10-24T02:57:00.000+08:00

Quite happy today.. played guitar the whole morning.. skip lecture which I'm glad I did so.. got myself a 2008organizer! and it's gold in color! so happy. O, n i managed to watch 3online lectures in a day~ so proud of myself *self pat my shoulder*

And now the dawning reality......:
1) MGF assignment due on Mon, which I still have at least 6more lectures to catch up :(
2) MGG project due on Tue, which I haven't even type out all the interviews :'(
3) MGE HW due on Wed, which consist of 4chapters of work, and I have 3more lectures to go! :'((
4) I'm working through wed to Fri *bang head on the wall*

Alright, and now a pack of cheezel to cheer myself up :D

P.S. Lao meow, every time I go Vivo I dun see you in Candy Empire.. tsk tsk, muz be hanky panky-ing somewhere right?? :o muahah! BTW, do you know this gal by the name of Xiang Yun there?

Hmmmm

2007-10-19T16:27:00.000+08:00

It has been a long day. Boss want me to do PowerPoint presentation for her. Sad. She's always thought tt I'm a technology expert.. Just becos I'm better than her 'technically'. I guess she's the only one left on world to haven't realise that I'm a tech idiot.

Went out with cell for dinner. Had a great time n had a friend who joined us. He, that friend, thought that I'm a 'potato', that is, an ang mo wanna-be and a rich spoilt brat. Hmm.. is that a compliment or an insult? haha. Well, I wish I have that luxury to be one man.. Anyway, guys, I'M NOT. I'm proud to be Chinese and it just happen that I like English music more (I used to love Chinese songs but Chinese songs nowadays are soo trashy) and dislike broken English. Well, unfortunately, Im not rich too. But one day I will be. So better start boot licking me now. Hhaa!

o.. He said that I look like Jap too.. It's nothing fresh, many said so before. I think I hv an 'international' look, there r pple who thought I was from Taiwan, China, Korea and even Indonesia. The most far fetch so far is that someone actually thought that I look like a Thai.
*faint 2000times*

updates

2007-10-18T16:11:00.000+08:00

some updates.. have been really bzbzbzbzbz BUSY lately.. so busy that sometimes I dun even noe what I'm even bz with.. haha.
Anyway, am teaching an A level student now. Very stress.

And.. recently I joined a band. There are 5pple including me and we're still looking for a female bassist. And I am, of cos, the guitarist, also the upcoming electric guitarist and singer. Currently we're playing oldies. Not exactly my type of music but nonetheless, it's totally enjoyable jamming with the pals. My skills' recovering at rocket speed! So is my passion for it. woohoo~ they can be really cranky at times but i totally love them, cos they are genuine pple. hard to find pple like tt nowadays.

And Ooo.... In case ur wondering wat's the name of our band, it's called Saving Grace, which however, has nothing to do with Christianity. I don't really like the name. Dont get me wrong. I really love God BUT I always hate to sound religious. I nv like pple to associate me with religion, really. I hate religious freak. Bad experience make me wonder sometimes if they are demons in disguise.

And yes, many changes lately, dunno where they will lead me but at least i know for now, it will be for the better. I kinda suspect something.. something is coming my way. I hope I'm right. Many things have changed. So have I.

Back

2007-09-27T02:20:00.000+08:00

ok.. I'm finally blogging again.. HAHA! Whatever.. I'm feeling crappy right now.. it's 2.24am and I am staring at my laptop screen.. dun really know what to say.. only hope that things will be getting better from now on. Yes. Looking back, I've become stronger. And I am thankful for that. But somethings aren't just the way I like. The more I want to be in control, the more I will lose control. This is what I have realised not too along. O well, I'm still learning to lead You take the lead.

*Dancing in the moonlight*

2007-02-11T03:37:00.000+08:00

i just so disappointed when he said that.. my image of him is totally ruin.. is there not one guy that is not like so? for all that pretty face, it's a rotten core within...
ha.. well, im not interested in him anyway.. just dissappointed that.. well, its just that another guy prove the 'myth' to be the reality..
i hope i'll see an exception.. no more letdown please...

2007-02-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

bad company corrupts good character.
how true....

2007-01-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

life is a battle
it is a ever on going fight
there will be blood shed
always will be
it is a battle of principalities
it is a battle of life
it is a battle of purpose
it is a battle against pain
a battle against thrife
a battle against temptation
a battle against self doubt
a battle against deception
it is a battle for hope
a battle for peace
a battle for love
a battle for victory
a battle for glory
a battle for harmony
a battle for humanity
a battle for family
a battle for you
life is your battle ground
where battles are worth fighting for
welcome to the battlefield
forget not to have some fun

2007-01-27T02:22:00.000+08:00

he certainly surprise me with the wisdom n maturity he showed in the conversation.. well, i misjudged him, and only realised it now. A thousand apologises.. On the other hand, I realise.. he's not that decent a guy after all.. well.. guys.. haha..

have been really buzy.. so many choices to make.. what should i do? what should i choose? where should i go? hmmm...
I need more wisdom and strength

2007-01-20T03:09:00.000+08:00

I realized..
the more I know, the more I don't.

2007-01-19T02:20:00.000+08:00

I think, therefore I am.

2007-01-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

Everyone is a leader in one way or another
But not everyone makes a wise leader
Wisdom comes by choice
Wisdom is gained through pain
Wisdom is obtained by listening
Not mere talking
It is the listening of what is not said
It is the listening of the heart

And yes
Unfortunately
Not every leader understand this
In fact
Not many leaders ever understood..
Thus oppression by many unwise decisions made
Thus the existence of frustration in dominations, companies, families, groups..
And in self
This is a pityful curse of all mankind
And may this tragedy comes to an end

2006-12-27T02:22:00.000+08:00

im so sad.. why are all the handsome guys are gays? :(
guys.. u all better buck up.. cant even dress better than gays.. tsk tsk.
well.. they are really like wat the tv shows them to be.. very macho physically.. but when u see how they behave and they talk, they can melt ur heart man..
well, i must say most of them are really very nice and friendly pple..
but only if they are straight :'(
i must say the number of gays in Singapore is surprising many. I feel like Im in the ancient greek society.. lol

2006-12-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

life is beautiful, amazing, interesting, a miracle own itself own.. but at the same time, it could be sad, painful, mundane and unbearable sometimes.
life is a risky piece of art.
.
Hurt Her Not
.
Saw you on the street the other day
With your sweetheart embraced in your arms
You took a peek at me
I pretended I didnt know
Somethings are best left unspoken
She's not the best looking girl around
But sure she's falling over her heels for you
From her eyes I can tell
You are one lucky man
Treat her well
Please her as you can
Dont hurt her like how you did to someone else
Dont want to see another girl tormented by nightmares every night
Enduring all the pains, burying them, bearing them all alone
The ugly wounds take long time to heal
Dont even know when will the wounds be healed
Maybe never
The pain and shame no one esle could understand
But it doesnt matter now
Or at least i wouldnt want it to matter to you
Just dont let another girl be your victim
So.. Please dont hurt her

2006-12-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

taken by Maven using k800i. it's michelle and me. 3.2mega pixel.. and he got the phone for only 198 bucks during starhub midnight sales!

hey! I finally know how to upload photos! yea~~
anyway, yea.. its tze xian and me.. stupid geraldine fly us kite. yea, he havent change much.. just that he's a bit flabbier now..haha.

some updates on some interesting events that happened lately..
finally went to make my IC.. sucks.. wasted 60bucks. but at least im able to change the photo of my IC. it was a crazy buzy day. afterwhich went to meet abby for the textbk. so sorry gal that i got to rush off like that. afterwhich rushed to job agency.. on my way there, a guy stops in front of me and said, "I have been waiting for you, why are u walking so slow.."
me: ????
guy: yea.. blah blah blah(couldnt quite hear wat he said bcos of his strong accent)
me: erm.. do I know u? have u mistaken me as somebody esle?
guy: nah.. no, U dont know me. and dont worry, I'm not doing any sales.. why? are u nervous bcos a stranger's talking to u?
me(thinking): are u retarded or something.. obviously u shocked me...
guy continues: well, Im from america( like I cant tell).. how are u? so.. where are u gg?....blah blah blah.. and it continues
.
I have to admit I have a nasty thought.. I thought I could have 'make use' of him, I mean.. get him to give me a treat or something so that I could save my lunch money.. but nah.. I dont wanna put myself in any risk.. he's soo darn tall and big.. who knows what he's up to yar.. if anything happen, I'll have only got myself to blame..
so anyway, I just kind of brush him off by calling up a friend and kind of ignore him..
weird but interesting encounter.
.
went out with Tze xian on Friday.. havent met him for sooo long.. watched 'after this our exile' Aaron Kok is a great actor.. really. but the story lines sucks. dont waste ur money to watch man.. thank God I dont have to pay for it. stupid him tried to challenged me with pool.. well.. of cos I won in the end. 3:2. but hey, u did improve a lot old boy.. :D
I must say he is pretty mature for a 19years old. could u believe it? on the same evening.. according to him, a girl kind of hinting to him by being VERY touchy.. haha! he showed me the photo, quite pretty but too bad he didnt like her.. Im quite surprise.. well, not really surprise, i did always think that he is quite different from typical stupid immature boys.
anyway.. this is wat he said: aiya.. she's quite childish.. I prefer mature gals.. anyway, i dont have feelings for her. I dont wanna waste time and money dating her only to know that things wont work out.. I dont wanna cheat her feelings.. but.. I also dunno how to reject her lei..
.
I must say I pretty impress by him. I mean, he's quite a mummy's boy.. erm.. and a little naive.. but very very sensible. I like going out with him cos he's such a gentleman.. not like some guys.. u just wanna shun a thousand miles away from them..
wisdom doesnt come by age. wisdom happens by choice.
.
Maven is really my pal man.. though he's quite mischevious and silly at times.. he never fails to get my request done everytime I needed his help.. kudos to u boy! Im just so grateful to have a friend like him.. dont see that he has that tough and cool look.. he's pretty soft on the inside and definitely a sincere person.. sometimes.. it is really not those 'great' or 'strong' pple u need.. see.. most pple will just see him as a 'nobody' chap.. but.. he's not. at least to me. he's my friend. and maven, u taught me a lot about being a friend. :)
a very 'on' friend.
.
I hate hyprocites. I hate pple who pretends to be who they are not. they just wear me off. I hate it when pple do the wrong things at the wrong times. ask the wrong things on the wrong occassion. I hate pple who just act and do things that they are not. I mean.. they do things unbelievingly.. its so frustrating to look at such crap.. it definitely piss me off when pple talk and act like fools. get alive.. please.. GET ALIVE!!! I need a break from all nonsense. In case u havent realise.. Im actually a pretty serious person despite of all the stupid crappy lame jokes I make at times. I have my limits. dont try to push the boundary. and dont try to jump into things and judge when u dont know anything. and dont always throw rubbish at me. Im not a bin.
.
here's something inspiring:
Victory is not just the ability to win,
Victory is the capacity to accept and endure failures,
That u are always ready to say,
Let's give it another shot.
.
You can live without food for about a month or so,
without water for a week
and without air for eight minutes.
But...
You CANNOT live a single second without HOPE.
.
.
.
P.S. Can somebody teach me how to upload and paste the photos at the positions I want? I dunno how to do that yet.. :(

2006-12-12T04:15:00.000+08:00

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Exploring

You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.

An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.

What's" Your Thinking Style?

hmm.. another test I took. again, pretty accurate but... what do u think?

2006-12-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

***You Are An INFP***
The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.
What's Your Personality Type?http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/
.
.
O well.. it's pretty true. but it forgot to stated that I can be pretty nasty and retarded sometimes.. hehe..
.
HI GUYS!!! IM BACK~~~ whooaaaa hoooooo...
well.. actually other than exams, i havent had the mood to blog.. or do anything at all.. has been a little down, if u guys did notice and it affected u.. im sorry yar. Im not sure if I should say much here.. but yar.. its like a snowball, one after another. How I wish life could be easier sometimes (in fact, all the time..lol). So many things I wanna do but feel so limited. So many times I wanna change but im just so imperfect. Im just so unsatisfied at where I am now.. Im not some noble holy crap but I do wanna be a better person. I dont wanna live for myself alone.. but thank God, in the midst of all these there's always something I can be thankful of.. Thank God for great many friends. U know, I love to watch and hear from pple bcos there's so much u can learn in even little things they do and say.. eg, when someone just make a comment, I can learn a lot about the person already.. also, sometimes, what pple says make me reflect on myself..
.
the other day, I was just listening to this angry guy talking.. he seems rich, influencial, have many friends.. but i feel for him. he seems to be a very lonely and hurt person. I dunno y i feel so.. but i just know it. he must be very hurt and disappointed with someone he respected and trusted, like his father, while growing up, may be its the bitterness that has been building up in him.. I dunno.. its just so sad to see a person abusing him or herself with alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, clubbing, wild acts.. I mean, it may seems fun. but really, deep underneath, pple are just trying to drown themselves with the high and excitment to get rid of the emptiness and hurts within.. but.. do all these help? yes.. there's high and excitment.. they do feel good but the feeling fades away quickly.. and it became a vicious cycle that they seems to dig deeper. How sad.. some of u are going through that isnt it? may be not in such explicit ways.. but r u drowning urself with other things like.. shopping? guys? girls? the longing to be accepted? constant fear of rejected? do u really mean it when u say u cant be bothered? It hurts to see so many pple around me hurting. the thing is they are all wonderful pple in nature, not nasty. but pple turns to weird and silly things when they are feeling mess up. sometimes, they dont even understand why. they just lose control. sometimes, they are just too insecure that they only think about themselves.. that they may forget about others around them who needed to be notice, wanted, like themselves.
.
It may sounds clinche but really.. to meet ur needs to is first meet the needs of every other people ard u. I have learnt that in the hard way.
well.. precious lessons in life are often painful ones.
.
My prayer is that my presence make the world a better place for everyone around me, that I can be a true friend to everyone who needs me. I want all my friends to be happier people and that I would be the one helping them to walk through life, helping my friends to fulfil their dreams and purpose in life.
well... Im not perfect. perhaps I anger and disappoints many pple already.. but i promise that will try the best I know how.
.
o.. btw, miko.. ask shirley to stop thinking of opening a cafe with me until she fix her brain man.. lol. cranky gal.. stop day dreaming, let's be practical k.. I know u r (crazyly) ambitious but we cant be jacks of all trade. We will only end up as masters of none. so well.. until ur brain is fixed, then we talk about it again yar ;)

2006-11-22T02:13:00.001+08:00

o my goodness.. i biting my nails so much that my nail polish is disappearing fast!! grr.. frustrated with myself.. how to kick away such bad habits? tsk tsk..
and grr.. i havent start revising my work at all :(
yating, pllleeaasee buck up. u can do it!! yea~ shake away ur lazy bones man~!
food for thought: The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.
-Peter Drucker-
There's a difference between listening passively and listening aggressively. To listen with your heart, your listening has to be active
-Captain Michael Abrashoff-
Genuine concern for others is a lifestyle more than a technique.
-Les Parrott-
The best way to persuade is with your ears
-not sure, should be J.C.Maxwell-
well.. i love such quotes.. they just makes me think and I always tries to act on them.. well, its good and bad.. good that there are such stuffs that give people wisdom in life. the sad part is, not many people know how to apply them.. seriously, I've met so many wonderful people who know all these stuff already.. but.. sadly, they still dont know how communication works. o well, i cant expect everybody to think the same as me yar?

2006-11-20T01:31:00.001+08:00

this is living hell!
OSFBC)(#@)QU&)(Q(#@e)&#Q*E#Q(*&E(*#&#)&)$&@)#$&#*&#*&$)(*#&yr$)*#&$r(*#@&(r$#(#@&^y(&r$#@$(*#@&($*&#@(*&$(*#&@$)(*#@&$(#@&$!@&)@!&_()*@!^$&#^$r*^@#$(@#&_#%r&$_()@(%r*$(*y()*_#*$_$#@#@gb#@(@#$)($r_!!!h))$)&^%(#_$@&$!":><@$_$_$&$)!*&$#*&$)$_##+@++_**!&&!!&!&^&!@)($#*$#()(*#)(*#)(*$)#(*(*#&##&#&#(@q*i#)@!(@*)(@*)#*)(#rhe#(#)#0303030)##(*#*@(*(@@(@(@(@(@#$)$)$)$))$&#$*#*)(#$)(&!(_&$@!(_^@*!!)$**$#*#)($&!!@&^)!*@&$_#(*$_)#@*(#$*)($($$*#__#*&&^%%__++)&($*)&$)(*#)+_)_+*$^&$*$(*+_!+&!@_@+!)(@*#_!(*#@_!(&#_(&$_(&
.
I want to move out.
I wan to move out!!!!!! arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
.
o, it's a pretty good week though.
.
I'm inspired by yet another statement: Your potential is a gift from God and how you use this potential is your gift to God.
.
Do onto others what they cant do for themselves.
.
Always give others the benefit of doubt.
.
the bigger your dream, the greater your doubts
.
heros are often born out of adversity
.
cool huh?
.
o.. make me a heroine in all these. give me a bigger heart too.

2006-11-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

no encouragement is worse than discouragement.
hate isnt the opposite of love, it's indifference.
indifference is the worst tragedy of any relationship.
in case u havent realise, ur soul needs to breathe too, and the oxygen for ur soul is affirmation and encouragement.
when u dont encourage, u sinned, because u're actually robbing somebody off his or her courage.
the greater sin is not what you have done wrong, but what you have chose to not have done.
nobody really cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
'memories that last are often the ones that were initiated' -J.C.Maxwell.
.
.
these are just random inspiration notes that are just running through my mind now

2006-11-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

reflect on who you were yesterday
Be proud of who you are today
Anticipate in who you will be tomorrow
.
.
every great relationship will never have a happy ending..
because
they have no ending
they last forever

2006-11-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

*roar* aiyo.. michelle.. y u tag me.. :(
i think im destine to play old maid all by myself (hmm, maybe not, abby and meow may join me..lol) the rest of my life.. haha.
well.. the 8 criterias for the perfect guy are:
1) very very understanding, sensitive, compassionate, responsible and accountable, a true gentleman
.
2) very very wise (wiser than me of cos) and quick thinker
.
3) artistic, creative and imaginative, must be able to play at least one type of musical instrument, best if he's a good singer too
.
4)wild, bold, courageous and daring in every decent sense (must dare to wear pink and flamboyent clothing, venture into things average people wont dare to, must not be scare of insects and animals!)
.
5)sharp looking (well.. dont have to be u know, super handsome. its the charisma and confidence) and reasonably fit(at least have some shape la)
.
6)persevering, encouraging and expressive, in other words, makes me feel appreciated and willing to be vulnerable to me.
.
7)humorous yet romantic
.
8)love God whole heartedly and love me fervently
.
see what i mean.. hard to find yar? lol
well.. u know, definitely im not looking for a perfect person.. i mean, i wont want somebody who dont need me yar? in a simple sentence, its just someone who know how to please me.. which means this person must be full of faith. without faith, u cant please me.. haha

.
.
well, now im suppose to tag four other person.. who should i tag? hmm... abby, i dont want to know, as always, ambigious affairs.. helena and jielin's taken.. k, tag meow, i want to see how impossible is urs:D
hmm.. and also Brendan, rouxin and miko ba..
no pressure yar.. dont have to do it if u dont want to.. just wanna know u better :)

2006-11-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

woaaa hooo......
I feel goooddd~ da da da da da dada
I feel so good now~da da da dada~~
yea..
a few updates.
yer, have been tooo lazy to even blog for the last few days.
when swimming on friday, non stop 20laps in about an hour, really proud of myself..lol
but my freestyle really cant make it, collaspe in less than 2laps.. muz work on it.
i love to swimming cos when i swim, i can think more calmly and ideas will just flow.
like, i was thinking of how to and what to set up for business. and i was inspired to do a short film hopefully sometime soon. u know that day I happily go and bath after swimming. and God knows what wrong with me, I forgot to bring towel!!! and i didnt bring handphone so cant call for rescue.. hais.. can i just have a perfect day with nothing goes wrong for once :'( and so.. i waited for 15mins hoping that i'll be dry by then, which is to no avail. so, i just went home as a drench chicken, man.. really thank God xia, it's hougang swimming complex and not jurong(which i almost went that day). If not I really donno how to go home xia.
.
yesterday, after chatting with u, i realise i was wrong. i mean, ur still trying but im the complacent one. im sorry that i judged this friendship earlier on. but i guess, u resurrected it yar. well, I still have some doubts but.. i did make effort to trust and make this friendship works yar ;)
.
did something incredible today. i mean, it leave me in shock til now. my mouth is still left wide open..lol. somehow, i just know that things wont be the same. i mean, this will be a turning point. hopefully a good one :)
.
and o, i learnt a new vocab from a friend today.
it was in the middle of a conversation online...:
me: sorry, what's hawt? a slang or something for hot?
amber: yea, but not exactly..lol
amber:hawt is like hotter than hot.
me:ooo.. cool. thanks :)
.
for some unknown reasons, i have recieving a lot of compliments lately from different people, which sometimes make me feel really embarass.. but i wont deny that it feels good yar, i mean, thanks people, u help me to believe in myself even more now ;D
.
o, i was browsing friendster yesterday. was some old friends accounts which brought back sad memories. and somehow , i decided to browse through my own testimonies (which i had never done so before, can u believe it?!). anyhow, i was so shock, sick rather by the testi. i mean, thanks, i do appreciate the testi my dear friends wrote for me.. but.. i realise the post are all so lesbian xia.. what wrong with u all la, send me something more decent lei.. im also very slow la.. y did i realise only now..lol.. and i realise another thing..... most of the testi claims that im a lame ass! mann... im so joker mei, how come i didnt realise :\ well.. nvm. o, and dunno who keeps promoting me.. xian xia. i finally understd why have i been recieving weird msges from people, thanks HUH..

2006-10-31T00:51:00.000+08:00

ho ho, swam 10laps again today.. but wasnt non stop cos was disgusted by the water.. so many dead ants!! yar.. den went home and cook myself an egg.. dunno y that makes me feel happy..lol.
o, and i did facial, moisturized my hair and took a 15mins nap.. hmm.. feeling refresh. well, i thought doing homework will make my life less mess up but they still seems like 'untouchables' to me. :well.. i'll TRY to be some work later.. especially my overdued ESL essay.
hmm.. maybe i should do some crunches later.
.
.
yaya! since when have u been so healthy??
hmm.. i dunno man, not exactly so. it just makes me feel better doing all these stuff.. maybe because it makes me feel more organise? or maybe they keep me busy? or maybe i know i'll appreciate these little efforts im making now?
o well.. heck~ la la lala lalalala~

2006-10-28T19:12:00.000+08:00

did something im-pomp-tu yesterday.
told meow that i was bored.
she sugguested that maybe i should go for a swim.
and yes, i went offline and went for a swim immediately.
swam 13laps in an hour, with 10laps non-stop.
not bad huh.
very on yar?
yap, it's partly the motivation of rou xin, my shi fu.
she told me how her shi fu lost 10kg in 2.5months.
freaked me out.
i wont go that far.
but i'll try something in between.
thanks for the motivation rou :)
o, that's the boy that i really wanna kill him though he didnt do it intentionally.
i bumped into him at least twice while swimming.
one of which he kicked on my chest.
and i mean CHEST. nothing more k.
but the thing is, he kicked off my swimming costume!
#@)(@#$)*$)(#*$%&%&!!!
felt like slapping him.
thank God I've got fast re-flex,
i pulled back quickly.
and fortunately no one saw(hopefully)
so embarassing.
hmmm..
Im bored now.
should i go for a swim again later?
i dunno if i like swimming that much.
but it clears my mind a little.
.
.
.
btw, I love Cranberries though I know they are an old oolldd band.
and I love their songs. Look, here is one of their songs..
.
.
Salvation
.
Album: To The Faithful Departed
.
To all those people doin' lines,
Don't do it, don't do it.
Inject your soul with liberty,
It's free, it's free.
To all the kids with heroin eyes,
Don't do it, don't do it.
Because it's not not what it seems,
No no it's not not what it seems.
.
Salvation, salvation, salvation is free.
Salvation, salvation, salvation is free.
.
Ah, ah, ah, ah
.
To all the parents with sleepless nights,
Sleepless nights.
Tie your kids home to their beds,
Clean their heads.
To all the kids with heroin eyes,
Don't do it, don't do it.
Because it's not not what it seems,
No no it's not not what it seems.
.
Salvation, salvation, salvation is free.
Salvation, salvation, salvation is free.
.
Salvation, salvation, salvation is free.
Salvation, salvation, salvation is free.
.
Ah, ah, ah, ah

2006-10-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

hey hey~~~

look! look! look!

i've got new nails~~

nail polish i mean:D

meow did it for me.. thankssss!

though it looks a bit ugly due to my ugly short nails..

o.. i cant stand it, its sssoooo bimbotic.

but i love the maroon color~

ghee

ho ho.. tell me u love my nails too:)

ok.. now i need a hair cut..

o, and facial too

2006-10-25T01:47:00.000+08:00

great. i havent study for my test.
congratulations yating, u screw urself up once again.
keep it up.

2006-10-24T00:13:00.000+08:00

went for a ride on louis' car.. so shiok.. we bought a big pack of soya milk, then emily and me was relaxing behind. we went from toa payoh to bugis to orchard to little india. though will see nice lightings, in the end.. so boring.
i wish i have a car too. so convenient. when will i get my 1st million bucks?

2006-10-23T16:18:00.000+08:00

well, i just read from a website that if u wanna resolve ur problems and heal the hurts and wounds, u got to talk it out, and it's tremendously more effective if u say out the specifics and details. Really? I think so too.. but well, I dunno, u can try it out. Sometimes u just got to do it urself to know its true. It's a professional website though.

2006-10-23T00:37:00.000+08:00

Music Video:DARE YOU TO MOVE (by Switchfoot)

2006-10-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i dunno, i mean.. im not feeling good right now.. neither am i feeling lousy.. u know.. its like.. no feeling.. its just weird. u know, no climax, no low point.. and the day just went by.
.
indeed, communication is the key.. after talking to u, i realise.. well, im quite a fool huh.. i mean, hey, i know i have my fault too.. but now, i realise.. ur not who i think u are..
.
i asked what had happened to our friendship? u said, well, nothing wrong, u treated everybody the same, u cant see the problem.. alright, i get it. im just wondering why u always ask if we are good friends. so much about being good friends. i get it. sorry that i have expected too much. sorry that i have been naive to think that, well, good friends can expect more. and so, i am 'everybody' to u.. sure, u treated everybody the same and fairly. how noble. yar.. i dunno about u.. but i have a different definition of good friends.
.
to you: call me when u need me, dont expect me to know you have a problem. no problems, no calls.
.
to me: i love it when we can call each other all the time bcos, i just enjoy chatting with u, with or without problems, we chat about anything under the sky. but bcos my mum is naggy about me using homephone, u know, im sorry u got to call instead of me calling out most of the time.
.
my theory: i dont expect my good friends to know what i like or hate all the time, but i expect them to ask and find out. and i expect myself of doing the same too.

.
aparrently, im asking too much. u said that, 'hey, im not God, i cant read ur mind.' of cos u cant, that's y i expected communication., but.. it didnt seem impt to u.. also.. u mean, i have to specifically instruct u on how to treat me? and write down and 10commandments of yating? ? do i have to? or the 101 ways to make sure yating knows ur her good friend? do i really have to??
hmm.. maybe..? but i have decided that.. i cant be bothered since now that we know we have different expectations and u dont seem to agree with my point at all.. i guess.. its ok. yes, we are still friends yar.. no worries. and friends we will remain. it's just that maybe, we are never good friends meant to be.
yes, i will manage my expectations.. we are just people from different world. u r systematic. i am emotional. and maybe, like u think, im too sensitive. cant help it, im born a woman.
.
seriously, i do think that i am at fault too. im sorry that i didnt tell u earlier, i mean, i really have problem being straight forward to u. and i know u have problem understanding me.. so, im sorry. just dont ever ask me about are we good friends or close friends or whatever if u dont know what it means in yating's dictionary. yar, please dont.
dont worry, im not upset with u anymore:) im glad that i have a better understanding now.. u still can call me when u need me, i'll be there.. i'll still do my best to be a friend to u.
but frankly, do know that, dont expect me to open myself up to u anymore. sorry, for this, i just cant.
.
.
hey, was chatting to a mother earlier on and in the middle of it:
the mother: i hate to go but i need to do some laudrey.
me:laudrey? poor thing.. well, u have to answer to your divine calling mother so and so. thank God I dont have to touch those stuff. LOL
the mother:girl.. SOMEDAY.. someday it will be your turn.*jealous*
me: o well, I won't, I'll make sure my kids and my husband do the job.
the mother: you do have alternative though, there are such commercial service provided everywhere.. just that it cost a bit more.
me: well, i have a better idea.. I'll probably throw the kids in the washing machine for a spin. 1) the clothes are washed. 2) the kids get cleaned up. 3) free entertainment for them! i'll save some money and they wont disturb me the rest of the day.. probably, they will be probably vomit after the ride and go to bed. :D
the mother: laughing off her head
.
tell me im smart :)
.
.
o, i was telling meow that maybe i'll start writing stories on the blog. she sugguested me to write sad, morbid stories that will make people cry their trousers off. though im quite good at that.. but i thought, i rather make people laugh yar? so.. maybe, i'll write some crappy stories.. that will be a good headstart for my future carreer. or maybe i'll writing about inspiring stuff? i dunno, but most likely they will be in series. see how it goes.. :D
.
emil's so nice, he's such a gentleman today, usually ask him to carry things, he will like, carry urself la( though in the he will still carry for me). today, he didnt complain while i asked him to carry my guitar the whole day. and after our dinner, he waited for me to get on the bus before he takes the train(he has nv done that). how nice of him.. gee. hey, it's good to see such good change in u=)
.
and o yar, william sheldd is so fARNI.. go see his clips on. youtube. i mean, he's really lame and gay. but i have to admit that he is really talented and charasmatic.

2006-10-20T15:02:00.000+08:00

Im feeling a little goofy right now..

ho hoo hoho hooo~

have u ever had the feeling where so many things run through ur mind that it seems that they were just thoughts that merely running through.. and the only thing these thoughts do are that they make u feel like u have a heavy head that's going to crack anytime.. the heavy head is one thing, the heavy heart is another thing. Is'nt it interesting that how the mind is related to the heart in such a way? how do u describe the pain that is in the heart when it feels so real, sometimes more real than the physical pain? how do u?

so i have learnt that often, physical pain is nothing compared to the mental and emotional torment. yar?

tell me that i can be a good psychologist! :D

was watching youtube last night.. wait.. this morning rather.. yar, was watching my favorite cartoon The Simpsons! then somehow i came across the series of Buffly The Vampire Slayer clips.. i mean, i used to watch those shows a lot.. i love those.. but... little did I know they were sSsoo XXX-rated! O my goodness.. i know i shouldnt be blogging about this especially after the last entry.. i know im risking myself of potential persecution from the 'Lao skool' community.. but well.. i thought it will be something interesting for u to know.. and also.. who cares?? this is my blog, i can talk about anything i like!! :D

Im really naughty now.. hehe

so anyhow, im going discuss about this.. it's so hard core explicit! believe me.. i didnt expect to see what i saw.. no wonder my friend in US cut off the normal TV line.. they even show lesbians on bed.. and its not like 4-5secs.. its 4-5minutes of those stuff.. I almost fainted alright..

so, can u imagine how much they have censored from the ones we have watched here? 80% i guess..

anyhow, i dont recommend u guys to watch( but i know all the lao lao school committees will, especially the old maid Board of Director who always watch liao zai.. muahaha!).

watch this instead, the waking life.

its a very interesting animated movie.. do take note of the details while watching, its very interesting and makes you ponder a lot.. though it can be pretty errie and nonsensical at some point.. i watched it mainly because i like the animation, the drawing is so cool! and the director is quite handsome.. lol.. im kidding.. the director is a crank!

so.. dont bother listening to the director's comment, its a waste of time.. just appreciate his dramatic bizarreness..

2006-10-19T19:02:00.000+08:00

background info for the following content: ab and i teach have the same student by the name of Chia you. So.. we often discuss about the naughty student and today while in the washroom... :
.
AB: eh, im doing oral with Chia You now.. not bad la..
me: *pause* what did u say? o.. haha.. get it.. sounded so wrong
AB: what the ****.. u huh.. (giggled)
lao meow: hey, what are u thinking man?! (slap my back) tsk tsk.. ya ting ah..
me: ops, sorry la.. k, so what did u do with him?
lao meow burst out: mUAHAHAAH!!!!
me: what?? eh.. what were u thinking man? im just asking a decent question
.
.
meow, u r no better la~~ ROTFLMBO
.
I guess UGC really screwed us up, or at least screwed me up. My brain's frozen.. my mind just cant be functioning right.. or is it the haze? watever.. i just want my brain back in place soon..
i just checked my crappometer: it says 103/100, definitely screwing up big time, take some pills and drink lots of cold water, preferably coke with lime. stay in a cage if possible in case u harm anyone. it would be even better if u can tie urself up in case u hurt urself too. In case of emergency, dont bother to call the cops, it will be too late.
:D
the crappometer is so accurate.
.
.
i hate it when my relative visits me.. just mess me up even more. hope she will leave soon.

2006-10-19T03:24:00.000+08:00

why is this foreign feeling eating me up?

not foreign, unknown rather.

i dont wanna get use to it though it's seeming so

2006-10-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

"The hell to be endured hereafter, of which theology tells, is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioning our character in the wrong way."
-William James, the first American pyschologist-

that reminds me, hey, i got freaking 23/25 for psychology, that means 92 percent.. so tyco man.. lol.. but still, thank God for good results :)

2006-10-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

im crying right now

for u.. i couldnt understand why u hate urself so much..

it really hurts me when u says u want to end ur life really soon.

what is the guilt so hard to bare?

i really want to know.

please dont do it.

PLEASE

i dunno what to say anymore.

u have no idea how grieve i am.

just.. PLEASE DONT DO IT, would u?

2006-10-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

ho ho ho~~

i have got my aire tattoo!! a rose on my neck..

but i doubt it will last too long

especially its pple like me who are so reckless.. lol

and.. my tragus pirecing is gone~~ :(

man, pireced two times already.. donno if i should go for the third time

not the pain that im concern with, its not painful anyway, i am just scared that my tragus will collapse.. lol..

anyway, it has been a loonnngg week, so many things happened( or at least in my mind.. haha)

was trying to make many decisions..

but still couldnt decide in the end.

o, and today i spent $8.30 to 'clean up' my life a little.. lol..

i mean, i got myself an accounts book so that i know where my money goes too, and.. note tape, to paste everywhere so that i can see what i need to do all the time.. and blue tac, to stick papers on the wall..

think next week I am going to Ikea to get a bookself, my room is turning into a squatter soon!(or it is already?)

anyone wants to join me?

wanted to get my bedloaf too.. but dont have enough money now :'(

*sigh*

there's soo soooo many things i need but dont have money to buy, like an electric guitar(quite cheap for 200bucks with an amplifier), an acoustic guitar, make ups, books.. etc.

O Lord, please drop down money from heaven.

wait long long xia.. lol

guess all these things got to wait~

but still, im determine to get my life right, i mean, at least organised.

have been chatting to this girl lately.. poor girl, she's actually planning on how to kill herself..

she even asked me: shld i slit myself, take pills, or jump off the building? take pills better right? painless..

NO!!!!!!!!!

of course not!!!!!!!!

it's greater pain ok.. in any case, committing suicide will only cost MUCH greater pain.

its a permanent solution for a temporary situation.

think about your family members who will be upset with your death..

think about your friends..

think about me!!!

if no one esle care, be sure that i cared gal..

i do.

u have a GREAT future ahead of u..

really, a great future, dont give up. NEVER give up.

its just that u haven realised yet.

i beg u.. ppllleeeaassee... dont do anything silly.

i know how u feel, its not easy. i know.

but, we can go through this together..

im your friend yar.. :)

tell me whenever u need me, i'll do whatever i can to help.

promise.

your life is just too precious to be ruined like that

its often easier said than done.

but..

at least we try yar?

for all those who are thinking of ending your life like her, PLEASE dont k.. though i know death is a tempting option,

like i say, its only a decieving temptation.

i always cant help but to be upset to see friends and people around me to think that life is meaningless and wanting to end their life.

how sad.

some times, its because of something painful happened to cause them feel this way.

and for some reason, I have been meeting more and more such hurting people lately..

To all those hurting: i wish i can carry some of your hurts for u, I mean it.

u know, if u really need someone to listen to, u can talk to me k.. im a good listener..

i may not have all the answers, i may not understand what u r really going through..

but do know that i care. and i want to go through this with u :)

sometimes, we just need someone to listen too yar?

2006-10-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

watched World Trade Centre today

cried buckets

well, its not as drama as i thought it would be

i thought i will be seeing pple jumping off buildings and die tragically

it didnt happen that way.

a little disappointed.. lol

but nonetheless, it's a good movie worth watching.

really encouraged me quite abit

didnt feel too good earlier.

was a little frustrated with some stuff.

but the movie made me feel better:)

make me think a lot

was reflecting

i think i have been wasting a lot of time lately huh..

i like it when he said: pain is ur friend, you feel pain because you are alive, embrace it.

how true

and indeed, it is in adversity that we see the ugliness, the worse side of mankind.

yet, at the same time, there is the beautiful, the goodness of man that is released too, which we often forgot to mention.

think about it.. isnt it true?

in any crisis, it always reveals your true self.

your strength and weakness.

your fears and virtues.

your likes and your dislikes.

yar?

anyway, the movie is a long one.

got home at 1230am

o.. and my mum kept the soup for me(i think) though i already said Im not going home for dinner.

how thoughtful of her

sometimes i feel really bad that i didnt treat them like they ought to deserve

that like i didnt appreciate them

definitely they are imperfect parents

but they did give their best to me the way that they know how.

sorry that i havent been understanding sometimes.

really.

life is so fragile

so so fragile

that's why you got to handle life with care

bcos its precious

what would you do if you were in the WTC?

the 1st thing i would do is to hug someone i guess

i want to protect that someone, at least when i hug the person(hopefully smaller size),

at least i can try to save someone with my body.

i could take up the injuries for the person.

even if i cant save the person,

at least he or she knows that i've tried

that there's someone who cared for his or her life.

hey, im serious.

I DONT wanna just die a silly way one day.

if i am going to die,

i am going to die for a good cost.

if i am going to live still the age of 90, i think i'll join the army or something like that .. lol

hey, dont tell me ur enemies wont freak out when they see a 90yrs old grandma on the team yar?

or maybe i'll go be a police? whatever.

anyhow, life is short. and fragile. it will be gone before u know it.

and you only live once

make it worthwhile.

Lord, wat have i been doing? i dun wanna waste time anymore. no more. help me please Lord.

help me. please.

PLEASE.

2006-10-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

L.I.V.E.

so easy to spell.

so easy to say.

but it is really not easy to LIVE.

i mean, staying alive is one thing, to live is another thing.

and when u miss one step and end up on the wrong side of the path,

u shouldnt be surprise to be find urself with EVIL, the opposite of what live means.

I always foolishly wish that life could be easlier.. but seriously, may be life wouldnt be interesting anymore if its too easy, dont u think so?

watever.. guess im a little tired.

no matter how dark the night is, the sun will rise the next morning. the sun will always shine

2006-10-07T01:49:00.000+08:00

was reminded of what miko asked me once..

miko: u like to hug metal pot better or pillow?

me(staring at her bewildered and suspicious): der... pillow of cos. y would anyone want to hug a metal pot??!! that person must be cranky!

mike(grinning): well, according a guy friend, hugging a fat guy is like hugging pillow and hugging macho six pack duke is like hugging metal pot.

me: o my goodness, ur fren muz be a plump guy huh..

mike(smiling): bingo.

me: yea... i knew it, self consoling. I rather hug a metal pot then.

in life, everything has a price tag.

u want hunkies, u gotta let go of some comfort den.. :D

mAUAHAHAHAA!!! right miko?

and so I admittedly is that cranky person.. lol

tsK tSk Tsk

2006-10-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

aiyo..econs sux big time.. once again, i didnt study, was chatting n playing wif lao meow and helena.. tsk tsk. but the paper was ok.. so i guess.. i shld be fine.. anyway, i was tricked by helena again.. hais.. changed my msn nick! yao kuai! dunno wat new tricks she will try to come out with next few days.. this reminds me of the show, problem child. i think she shld join the cast for problem woman 101.. muahaha!

o.. went home at ard 8plus pm today.. u guess wat?

i was tailed by a 'lao di ko'.. freak me out k.. wat's more the place i was walking thru was quite dark.. so smart me quickly sms miko for rescue. asked her to chat wif me, u noe, in case anything happen, i can scream n she can call the police for me.. haha..

but to my horror.. she didnt reply!!

argh.. wat a friend~ wat a sad life i have :'(

actually she did la.. but was like an hour later.. if anything had happened, by that time, Im alrdy dead, decomposed n turned into a butterfly.

so.. after awhile, i quickly walk to the main traffic road n he disappeared.. phew~

xiao lei.. y is hougang so unsafe..

n y such things keep happening nowadays? xian diao..

the thing is thst he is a saggy balding old man wif a 'united nation'..

make me lose appettite only.

y isn't a young handsome macho hunk instead?

tt i wont mind :D

muahaha!

hey, i manage to upload music myself!! yeah!!! and thks to helena to help me do the rest :D

BLah blah blah

2006-10-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

xian xian.. what to do when u dunno wat to do?

feel so stuck.

man, i have a revelation on what exactly NO CHOICE is.

wat would u do if u were me? anyway.. argh.. psycho sux la.. didnt study chpter 1 and all the nonsense were out. couldnt believe that she will ask those questions.. im jus hoping for a miracle.. i need an A.

o.. n there's econ's test tml.. and im here online.. man, wat am i thinking? hmm..

*raise eye brown*

dunno la... super no mood to study..

when aunt's house to give James tuition, as always, hyperactive and super annoying.. while at least i get to see justin, my cute little cousin.. he has grown lot over the last few months, looking more and more handsome.. :D

cant help but to want to kiss him all the time.. y is he soooo adorable?

babies are jus so cute(as long as they're not mine.. lol), aint they?

dunno how to tell u anymore.. but really, dun u understd? i dun need to noe wat to do. i already knew. i jus need you to listen, to understd, to let me lean on.

introspecting

2006-10-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

learnt something yesterday.. well, not exactly learn.. more as in reminded me the love languages that we all relate to.. indeed, communication is the key of life and speaking the right love languages to each other is vital.

The five love languages:

1)words of affirmation

-that is, speaking positive and encouraging words. many pple (esp.some retarded guys) are very weak in this area

-btw, do realise tt for everyone -ve word u say to someone, he or she needs another 16 +ve words to recover!

2)quality time

-not quatity time. that means, spending long hours tgt does not build any relationship if one did not devote wholeself or pay attention to each other. and this applies to ALL kinds of r/ship. be it mother-child, boy-girlfriend or even jus friends.

however, a part of quality time do requires a substantial quantity of time

3)Gift giving

-you can giving without loving but NOT love WITHOUT giving

-actually, this is the easiest love languages to learn!

-and this is to give something of great value to the one u love, which includes time.

-physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give to your loved ones(yea, i totally agree with this, it works for me).

this, again, reminds me of some hypocritical friends i use to have or still have. if u need a friend and he or she claims tt he or she is too busy for u(using very lame excuses), or they say that they will be there to support u, yet nv call u up or even send a sms to see how u r(personally, sending sms all the time is one of the most insincere way of showing concern), DO openly condemn the person, he is not ur friend. he is jus a freaking liar.

4)Acts of service

-by that, i do not mean doing the things to other of wat u like others to do to u, its doing wat u know the other person would like you to do!

-that requires thought, planning ,time , effort and energy!

-always do this with a right attitude, if not, dun bother. cos ur jus a lame jerk

5)Physical touch

-the term explain itself

-of cos this does not mean bashing up ur friend or do anything offensive to the other party!

-this will means helding or hugging the person, carassing (in decent sense of cos!), a peck on the cheek.

-in other words, phyiscal contact

-again, applied to all types of r/ship

upon knowing this, its time to evaluate which are your primary and secondary love languages. that means, which type of love expression is more appropriate to urself.

**************

ok.. for myself, my primary love language is physical touch.

dun look at me like that! :\

someone was shock, in fact almost laugh at me when i said tt, tt's y i didnt really want to tell pple im not close too.. they only piss me off with their bloody immaturity

hey, God created me this way alright.. at least i dare to admit wat type of person i am:)

unlike u, mockers.

and my secondary love language is words of affirmation. surprisingly, this is a primary love language for most males. do i have as much ego? lol.. may be. anyway, now that u noe this, STOP SAYING STUPID SENSELESS THINGS INFRONT OF ME. frankly, i despise pple like tt. i mean, when u r laughing at, demeaning or criticising another person( tt includes stupid rude jokes), u r insulting urself more than u insulting anyone esle. because ur jus showing that u have no respect for urself. that's y u cant respect others. and u have PROBLEM intellectually and emotionally to relate to pple. i didnt want to say this but i felt i have to. cos some pple u really need to speak to them THIS plainly. i hope u r reading this, whoever.

-so if u have nothing better to say. SHUT UP. dun talk to me. i rather hang ard wif encouraging pple.

btw, i hate pple who talks and laugh loudly all the time, esp guys. can really kill me k! i felt like i have been reduced to a moron when such pple r ard. so ppllleeeaasse. dun yell to me. talk to me instead. speak properly and nicely and put some thoughts in wat u r gg to say.

and again, i have to say i dun really like smses. i mean, pls, if possible, call me instead of smsing. no offences, but in some cases, i really think its insincere. and NEVER EVER PASS MSG TO ME THROUGH THIRD PARTY, its very very very VERY IRRITATING esp. when u do that all the time. n its plain stupid. and i do mean STUPID.i know of some pple like tt(actually, only one or two).. n tt's y u will see that i dun talk to them bcos i think they are retarded.

eeww.. i sounded like a skeptical, dont i? lol.. who cares.

hey, but i do wanna thk God for many great friends i have..

to my great friends: you may not have done right stuff all the time, but i noe u have tried ur best. sorry if i doubted some of u esp. when we are distance and spartial apart. it only prove that ur all such great and faithful friends. when i needed u, u guys are there. thks you. :) hope to catch up with some of u soon! :D

to whoever: stop talking mindless and mundane things to me and think tt this is quality communication. its not always abot UR dreams, UR vision,UR goals and UR life. this is a real world. I exist too. spare a thought for me. it jus doesnt work this way alright.

:\

2006-09-28T19:50:00.000+08:00

tsk tsk.. hais.. how dumb can i get..

precious lessons are often painful.. hey, u noe wat, if u wan to do something nasty, make sure u do clean up the mess.. leave no residue.. regret regret.. now got to clean up bigger mess.. hmm.. how should i start cleaning? may be i shld jus leave ignore it..

*bang myself against the wall*

anyway, it has been quite a good day again.. didnt study much despite of tml's NTR exam.. but i did have some fun.. cam whoring again.. haha!

o.. ANYWAY, si tu pi helena tries to trick me again.. hais.. I almost got trick, thk God im smart :D

not gg to believe her anymore xia.. lol

abby tried too.. but she's al lousy actress.. haha!

abby, u loser la.. cant trick anybody but GREY GE nia...

muahaha

hey, im kinda mean yar? hah

2006-09-26T18:17:00.000+08:00

o.. u noe wat.. i really love the guys in uni of buffalo.. erm.. i mean.. i really appreciates these wonderful guys.. the guys (at least in my course) are all such gentlemen.. like sam and chris.. yar.. chris is so nice.. always lend me anyway i ask for willing and he gave me aride jus now.. and u noe wat? his car is SOOO coooll.. stylo milo xia.. can seat 10pple xia(i think)! and he didnt mind the place i was gg is ulu (btw, he's not familar with the route of singapore, newbie here).. so generous of him.. and sam of course.. always pai sei to let me buy stuff for me.. cos he surely wont accept my money.. haha.. nowadays, its very hard to find such nice guys le..
and of cos the nice ladys.. all the beaux and bimbos :x.. o... im DEFINITELY not toking bot meow and jielin.. yar.. its NOT u.. dun worry.. HAA!! well.. they're fun xia.. with lao za bo, abby and ee teng of cos.. :) we're jus doing crazy stuff everyday! love u guys(though u all always bully)

come to think of it.. y am i the one who is always bullied?? man.. is it my genes or wat? or is it karma? haha.. watever

2006-09-26T18:03:00.000+08:00

i jus wish life could be easier..

ahhh!!!!! my heart is screaming..

i would rather let physical pain replace this emotion and mental agony.

but.. it can nv happen.. i know.

cos i tried very long time ago.

BUT STILL

in the midst of all these..

I WANNA THANK GOD FOR MANY THINGS

lalalalalalalal!!!!

I can dance all night xia..

ho ho ho.. sorry tt im a little eccentric now.. which i know some will say... 'no, tt's the normal u isnt?' -_- WATEVER

anyway, im happy when im thinking of all the fun frens i have.. so cool

we were crazy today.. i mean CRAZY..

took 18pics in 10min!

can u believe duke! n its free :D

cos use my web cam ma.. haha

yar.. wanted to upload them but..

unfortunately.. sadly.. disappointingly.. Im a com idoit.. :'(

shamefully, i dunno how to upload pics~~~! wahh...

no.. being a com idoit is not such a bad thing yar.. at least.. at least.. well.. let me think.. ah!

at least i can draw :)

i can sing =)

I can play guitar :D

i can.. compose music =D

and i can dance! 8D

muahaha!!

so proud of myself..

alright.. dun look at me like tt... cant i jus be lame once in awhile? :o

eww~

2006-09-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

i jus realised something..

very time im nervous.. I'll have stomachache and a weird kind of seizure in my heart!!!

worse of all.. uncontrollable trembling and mumbling.

wat took me so long to realise my bad habit?

sad.

haha!!

***@##^@%#*!()#

2006-09-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

Let me promise you that this is a very random blog;

Warning: thoughts below wouldnt match each other.

-how am i gg to explain myself?

-stupid me, i fall again

-come on, haven u realise that?! Stop looking at the matter! look at the heart of the matter!!! stop acting saint would u?

-great, my dad found out bot it

-shld i jus bury it?

-i need money!!!

-Im so screwed

-i need a new guitar!! my current guitar sucks!

-screw you, yating

-i cant believe i did tt.

-gross

-can i say no?

-i dunno how to continue..

-oyar.. if u r reading my blog, go ahead.. n if u are curious.. well.. u may ask.. but NOTICE I SAY U MAY.. dun ever try to interrogate me. I can choose to reply or not.. dun try to be pushy esp. if u dunno me too well..

Im sorry that im blunt.. but u jus got to accept the blunt me

-stop doing that wont u?

-ur an idiot, how many more pple do u wan to hurt?!

-how shld i tell her?

-hey, im so tempted to do anythg for money, desperate for cash here.. wont mind some donation tt would save this poor little soul :)

-would u jus stop it? STOP IT.

-hey, i love the svc today

-joker, y everythg's happening so timely? hah

-if u have nothing better to comment of, jus shut up. yea. SHUT.UP.

-i dun think its funny, stop fooling alright?

-i love Uni of Buffalo.

-can i have some privacy please??

-hey, my course mates r so fun.. nv regret coming here:)

-im so mess up. tell me how to tidy up?

-understanding, that's all i asked for. really.

-skool is getting a little stress.. but i guess its still fun

-Lord, i dunno wat to do with this, im at my wit's ends.

- got to break all those ties. come on. jus do it!

-i so felt like escaping

-i want to eat chocolate

-hey, the peach wine taste really good.. but the alcohol content's too high! can u believe it? its 42% alcohol! how did i drink tt?! haha

-man, it reminds me of flaming waterfall, so toxic, so hot! who wanna join me for one? :D

-im so dying to lose all memories

-anyone has unchain melody? send me would u?

-i really dunno, i cant help it.

-i need to buy some make up xia..

-o... jaylin, sorry for the delay, shall meet up real soon yar?

-im missing lots of pple

-im so dying to meet evelyn again.

-im sleepy

-hey, really thank you so much, w/o you, i would be dead by now. :)

-u saved my life

-pls gimme a sound mind

-make it wiser too, it would be nice if i can be wiser than King Solomon

dun understd wat toking me? dun worry, because, its not mend for u to do so. :)

especially YOU.

muahaha!

2006-09-18T21:43:00.000+08:00

Hey~! THis is the best definition of Ex-es I ever heard;

Ex boyfriends=expired, should be exiled, excluded(I added this.. gee), excecuted and exterminated.

Is this CooL or wat? :D

:')

2006-09-14T23:53:00.000+08:00

hey ben, really thks for being so understanding and encouraging..

u speak out exactly everything of wat i want to say.. ur really amazing..

really appreciate tt :)

thkx again

2006-09-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey! check it out guys! i got full marks for psychology man! so watch out yar... i can read ur mind~~??

or perhaps it means im psychotic??

muahahaha

:)

2006-09-14T00:42:00.000+08:00

im so proud of myself.. i've took a courageous step..

my turning point is ard the corner.. :D

blah blah blah~~

2006-09-11T00:42:00.001+08:00

phiew.. its a really llooonnnggg day for me today..

my day only ends at 10plus pm.

have been thinking bot a lot of things today.. as in, u noe, was 'enlighten'.

I have gain some wisdom thru somethings i saw today. It makes me wonder wat am i gg to do wif myself.. am i gg to remain stagnant?

no way.. hey, i hate boring purposeless life..

anyway, i was inspired n decided to make some changes..

o yar.. everything was well today other than the unpleasant experience on the MRT.

there's this psychotic fat guy who keep disturbing me. I tot dropping at cityhall will be save but.. (*@&$*$&#*&$)#(. ...

he followed me!! grrr..

and i was dumb enuff to choose a two seater corner seat!

hais..

n he squeezed in.

felt so miserable n stupid.

though i could ignore him by sleeping..

den he starts toking to me!!!

GREAT

of cos i ignored him.

but he starting eating my 'tofu'

was super pissed.

wanted to yell at him.. but jus learnt anger management today..

n i ( did truthfully) felt a bit sorry for him..

he looks very insecure n rejected..

so i jus pretend like nothing has happened(though it was so obvious tt even the guy sitting opp. keep staring)

O.. n i realise many guys in this country are really wimpy, they really dunno when to stand up for the occasion..

hey, cant u see i was bullied? n u only know how to watch show. ur so gay.

irritating.

another reason for me to kind of let it go is cos..

he is very big size.

n he dun look like he's mentally sound

i was so afraid of being beaten up by him if i confront him!

y is it tt such things keep happening to me nowadays?

disgusting animals.

to show tt im not bias, well, there are still some nice guys out there..

jus tt there's not many left.. i had gladly met some. but this population of men is decreasing steeply.

To Emily: hey gal, im fine.. i was jus grumbling.. n after which I'll forget bot it.. i didnt really mean everything i said(which is a bad habit tt im trying to change).. lol. im fine with meeting up then. u jus update me again, alright? :)

To wii wii: tsk.. i've forgotten tt u read my blog too.. shldnt have blog about tt.. esp when u r ard.. words will spread fast :\ muahah.. jk la. no la. its not someone u noe.. dun think i dunno who u r thinking of!! its not him. We were through so so long ago.. In fact, we didnt really started anything anyway. *pause* alright, we did, but it didnt really bother me k. anyhow, its not him. and.. yar.. i doubt u noe who is it.. cos im pretty sure nobody knows.. and i dun wanna tok bot it. jus know tt its not like wat u think.

p.s. dun discuss this with the old frens hor.. or i'll kill u and i emphasize again..

it's not like wat u think .

in fact, im waiting for some good news from u. need my help? I am always ever willing to ur match-maker =)

paroniod

2006-09-10T02:09:00.000+08:00

bump into someone I tot I will never see again at a bus stop, or should I say, never want to?

I tot I have gotten over. I tot I have forgiven.. only to realise how fearful I was when I saw this someone. Have I really forgiven? I dunno.. I only know tt i was so scared that I choose to walk to MRT station instead of taking the bus. What's wrong with me? Think I am really not tt strong after all.. told you.. haha.

well, the msg comes timely again..

but.. tell me where to turn pls..

I believe there's a reason for You to let me meet this someone today.

I know You are trying to tell me something.

This is no coincidence.

lead me.

please.

If it was a mistake, it was a beautiful one.

Happy New Year

Still Missing Him

Hmmmm

updates

Back

tsK tSk Tsk

BLah blah blah

introspecting

:\

eww~

***@#*#^*@%#*!()#

muahaha!

:')

:)

blah blah blah~~

paroniod

***@##^@%#*!()#