If it was a mistake, it was a beautiful one.: Happy New Year

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We think about it,
sing about it,
dream about it,
and lose sleep worrying about it.
When we don't have it,
we search for it;
when we discover it,
we don't know what to do without it,
when we have it,
we fear losing it.
It's a constant source of pleasure and pain
but we can't predict from one minute to the next,
which could be today.

PROFILE

Name: Ting
Age: 21
D.O.B: 5th August

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July 2006
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November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
May 2009

.FRIENDS

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bossini wee wee
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Helena
Lao Meow
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A.B.B.

.CREDITS

.SYNDICATE

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

It didn't turn out to be quite as happy it should be.. have this feeling that I lost it all.. I dunno.. this year feels like quite a different year.. it's harder to go through even for the very first day.. And well, strangely, at least to me, this year I didn't set any goals at all.. to be more accurate, i totally forgot about the need to do so. What am I thinking? I dun really understand or noe what i want right now.. so confuse. why is there a need for this struggle? why shld i even stay in this struggle for so long? i want to make things right. i just want to be a decently normal and happy person. not like happy happy but u noe, happy. Just happy.
I hate to feel so stuck. And i dun understand why am i so stuck in this mess, a frustrating vicious cycle. Not tt i didn't noe what causes it. not that i didn't know how to get out of it actually.. but.. do i really have to? is there no other way??
This is so difficult... getting unbearable. it's not that I didn't want to get over and done with.. but.. it's so hard to trust pple again after so many betrayals.
What's wrong with me??
We either change by a decision or by a crisis.. Am i just waiting for another crisis..?

I feel so foreign to myself.